


Fresh Air || Haikyuu x Reader Collection

by caxsthetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, High School, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 42,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic
Summary: Different people, different mind. Starved to be loved and yet we couldn't do anything to make them love us. Through this collection, I will try to achieve those longing feelings towards them like a reality. Here, everything is possible.Inside this collection, you will find Angst and Fluff. Some may have slightly suggestive themes, but there is nothing hardcore could be found here. Hope you enjoy your stay!
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Miya Atsumu/Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader, Suna Rintarou/Reader
Comments: 34
Kudos: 201





	1. When The Curtains Closed || Sakusa Kiyoomi

Sakusa never closed the curtains of his bedroom's window.

He always loved to wake up and feel the warmth of the sun. It was like his personal alarm, reminding him that it was the time to wake up and a new day had come. So he kept asking himself sometimes, how you could still be deep in your slumber while the rays fell upon your face.

Though he didn't mind that at all, he enjoyed waking up first and admiring your calm expression. Some of the strands would fall forward, and he would gently tuck the hair away behind your ear, displaying a clear vision of your beautiful facade.

He never did something like this, allowing someone to be close to him. But there was just something about you that made him feel _okay_ having you around. Maybe because you always acted so proper around him ever since he met you, or maybe because you respected his boundaries about not letting people near him at first.

With time, you became one of the people that he felt comfortable enough to touch shoulders with. Some more time passed and you became someone who he loved enough to kiss. Someone that he shared his bed with, warming his cold feet and the one who laid beside him every night, heads rested on the same pillow.

He let you, he let you into his life once upon a time.

And he kept questioning why he stopped doing so.

He was not supposed to be jealous. To feel nausea and the craving to punch the guy that had his arm around your waist. Ever since he saw you walk through the door that led into the bar, he had been asking himself —

Since when you were now in a relationship with someone new, as he was still there being haunted by the love that already ended three years ago?

On top of it all, you were with someone that he knew too well had a messy, cluttered locker. Someone that he knew well had a _shitty_ , annoying personality. Someone that he never thought would be your type with how his mouth never seemed to shut.

A total contrast to him, that's for sure. So how come you were now laughing in the arms of Miya Atsumu?

He never expected to see you, at least not in the circle that he was going to be stuck with until his contract with the team was over. You _never_ cared about volleyball, you didn't know anything about the sport that he was involved in since he was just a little kid.

Your hand was always soft, at least that was how he remembered it back then every time he was afraid that you would get lost in the crowd. There was nothing about you that screamed sport junkies. You were just a normal woman that he fell in love with before.

Just a normal woman that he was _still_ — in love with.

So to know that right now you sat in the lap of the blonde setter (who probably had his mind predominated with volleyball twenty-four hours a day), it just seemed not right. Like something was off — and right now, he was trying to figure it out.

His eyes bore into your figure, noting every little detail as your shoulder shook from too much laughing. It was still the same, your laugh, nothing had changed as if it was just yesterday you packed your bag and slammed the door shut from his apartment. You still had your eyes closed when the joke became too much, hands clenching on the fabric of your clothes.

But when he looked at the smile that followed afterwards, he found what was different.

You used to have a gentle smile, soft and comforting that was just always there. Either when you read a book, scrolling through your phone, or just doing nothing but having your head rest on his shoulder — your smile always brought him to a peaceful state of mind.

Right now, it was nothing like that. It was so bright, blinding his heart as he felt so invincible while he sat across from you. The smile that you had right now was contagious, that even his friends couldn't resist smiling too.

There was nothing funny, at least he couldn't find the fun part of what Atsumu said before. Yet you laughed as if it was the funniest joke that you had ever heard. He thought that maybe you did that just to be a supportive partner, because everyone knew basically that the setter joked around like a boomer mom in the neighborhood.

Then again when he looked at your eyes and how it glimmered with joy, he had to accept the fact that everything was genuine.

You were here right now not to rile him up nor tried to do anything for him. It was not like you made out with the setter non-stop too. You were just here to have fun and become close with the teammates of your new boyfriend, nothing more.

But he couldn't settle the fire that burned inside his heart right now as everything dawned upon him. You had moved on now, and very much in love with someone else that was not him.

_"Hey," You called out, startling him a little since you still had your eyes closed by now. He didn't expect you to speak up, and it made him a little bit flustered now since he had done nothing but caressing your cheek with the back of his hand for the last couple of minutes. "Don't stop. Why'd you stop?"_

_"You are awake the whole time?" He cocked his eyebrows, hands floated midair as he still contemplated whether to continue giving you some affection or stop for now._

_"Yeah." Chuckling a little, you finally open up your eyes. And he could never get tired to see how your lashes fluttered within such a close range like this. "You can be so sweet sometimes eh, Kiyoomi?"_

_He rolled his eyes when he heard your teasing tone. Of course not really annoyed since he actually loved the way his name rolled off your tongue. But he would never admit that out loud, not like he had to since he was sure somehow you already knew it._

_"Well," But you were not the only one who could play this game. "I am only like this with you."_

_You snorted a little as he said it with such a flat intonation. Though as you saw how his lips shaped into a coy smile, you realised that he was trying to make you flustered. Funny, how at first you never judge him as someone who could be so sly when it came to his lover._

_Then again he said that you were his first relationship, making you sometimes wonder how someone as handsome as him never had a lover before. But as you were with him, days went by, you started to understand why. It was not him that was at fault, he didn't have any crazy flaws — he was just a normal human through your eyes._

_But people were just too lazy to know more about him, too nonchalant to understand how his mind works. And even though at first you got a whiplash too when you first met him, you were grateful that you stayed long enough in his life to know every part of him behind all of those cold, sharp facades._

_He raised one of his eyebrows when he saw the look that you gave to him. You were silent all of a sudden, and it made him wonder what was playing in your mind right now. Your orbs just glimmered, the same gaze that he found most of the times when he was around._

_And before he could part his lips to say something, you beat him to it._

_"I love you, Kiyoomi."_

_He had heard it a million times already. Sometimes when the two of you were just laying around the couch, sometimes when he stepped inside the apartment, sometimes when he grumbled under his breath — you always said it as if to remind him that you were really in love with him._

_"I know."_

_It was still early, he realised that because the sun still shone in orange hues instead of yellow. The first few minutes when the new day came, a blessed one because he knew that you were there right beside him, bathing in the warm sunlight just for him to adore — thanks to the curtain that was never closed. "I love you too."_

_And he could never get tired of it._

Sakusa could feel a slight headache that started to hammer his head. He didn't realise that he drank too much alcohol before, possibly because he kept gulping down the liquor like he tried to bury the feelings. One that still bubbled like crazy every time his eyes fell upon your face.

He could still stand tall though, turning the knob of the door that led to his apartment with ease. Locking the door, he leaned his back on the wooden surface as his orbs scanned the space that now feels so much bigger than it was supposed to.

For years, he had been living alone. He never minded the way he woke up alone and did everything by himself. But ever since you came, transiting into his life and filled the space of his apartment for a whole two years, he craved to feel it just one more time. Something that he knew too well wouldn't happen again as he reminisced about what happened tonight.

_You looked so breathtaking even though you had done nothing for the last minute. Atsumu was nowhere in sight while the others were now on the dance floor, leaving you and him to just sit there with mind clouded with different things. He noted every expression that was displayed in front of him, a little smile, a loving gaze, that never once left your face as you looked at how everyone was having fun._

_He wanted to say something, asking about your true relationship with one of the Japanese National team's setters. He needed to know, if you were happy with the blonde like how you used to be so happy when you were with him. He needed to satisfy his curiosity, as he wondered if Atsumu treated you even better than he could ever be._

_Though, his mind suddenly dispersed as a familiar tune started to boom throughout the room and filled the air._ **_September_ ** _, a seventies song that he always heard when you were busy doing some chores in his apartment. He himself always stayed away from where you were when you started to play that song since it was too much for his ear to process._

_It was such an upbeat song; with the saxophone, high pitched man singing, the same lyrics over and over again — not his favourite. And he was pretty sure that it was the kind of music that Miya Atsumu could never stand._

_Yet the blonde suddenly appeared in front of you, with a cheeky grin that he always wanted to smack it away from that charming face. The setter suddenly held his hand for you to take, and the look of surprise that you produced made him know that you too, would never expect Atsumu asking you to dance to such music._

_"'Tsumu, what are you doing?"_

_"Dance with me,"_

_"But, you don't like—"_

_"I like it."_

_He could hear it, the timid voice that slipped from your lips, the calm yet teasing tone that came from the setter, he could hear it all. Your eyes scanned the dance floor where everyone made a way for you and Atsumu, making you gasp since no one, no one ever did something like this for you._

_Not even him._

_"Come on, baby." The setter asked one more time, grabbing your hand gently. "How could I dislike the song that always played in_ **_our_ ** _house?" You were still flabbergasted as you wanted to bable up something. "Tonight is your night, I have your playlist listed on the DJ's table."_

_You choked out, trying so hard not to let your emotion get the best of you. With just a slight nod from your head and a gentle squeeze to Atsumu's hand, that was enough sign for him to drag you away — bringing you to a place where you would feel so happy. The dance floor, and on top of it all, your lover's embrace._

_It was not the same, your relationship with him before and the one that you were now embarking on, he realised that just now. You always knew everything about him, appreciating all of the things that he did, and compromising on all of his outlandish behaviour. But now, he realised that he never did the same._

_He tried to, he really did, but it was still nothing compared to how much you gave for him. You were the one who tried to keep the relationship steady while he was just there following the wind, making the love that you had with him swayed without control. And now he realised — it was not you that was_ **_off_ ** _from the start. After all this time, it was always him._

_You were now smiling so bright, even without the rays that fell upon your face. So radiant as your giddy smile told the world how happy you were right now. Atsumu was out of his comfort zone, something that he was willing to do if that meant he could make you dance like there was no tomorrow, with his hands never straying too far from your waist._

_And right now, the black haired man really wished he had done the same thing when you were still in his arms._

Everything came so easy when you were around. All the affection and love that you gave him, the cold nights when the two of you shared each other's warmth, he still remembered it all as he laid in his bed. Now all alone just like all the times before you.

Just from your touch — a gesture that he used to despise — he felt how much you cared for him. Right now, he really wished that he tried harder, he really wished that somehow you could see how much he loved you still, how much he had wanted to be the one who held you once again instead of the blonde setter that now owned your heart.

Sakusa Kiyoomi had something that people called a once in a lifetime thing. In his case, it was his first, loving relationship that he had with you. But he didn't do much to keep the relationship intact, as he just let everything work without knowing that sometimes — love can't just flow as it is.

Three years ago when you left, he thought that one day you would come back. Or at least he would find someone that could make him feel things that he used to feel when you interlaced your hand with him in the morning. He didn't ask much, he didn't ask for you to love him like before.

He just needed you to give him a chance. Since he swore in his heart that if there was a second time when he could prove himself, he would do much better for you.

But he kept repeating all the details that he could capture tonight in the club, like a movie that was stuck in his mind without a stop button. How you danced in the middle of the dance floor, so carefree as Atsumu looked at you the same way you looked at him. He remembered how everything went by in a blur as your favourite song played in the background after that.

Everyone had their phone up, giggling as all of a sudden, the blonde setter got down on one knee. It was like there was no music when it happened. Since he could not hear anything except a crack inside his heart when he saw you nod within a second.

There were tears cascading down your cheek, and he wondered how someone could still look so breathtaking with a runny nose and puffy eyes. Everyone cheered, some recording the moment that only happened once in a lifetime for either you or the blonde setter, both the luckiest people in the room.

He didn't remember much after that as he drank the liquor in his hand, a little bit salty, mixed with tears that glided from his jaw. His eyes could only capture you, you and your beaming smile as your lover slid a platinum ring that fit right on your finger.

With that, Sakusa Kiyoomi knew — that second chance would never come for him in terms of loving you. And waking up to see your face bathing in the sunlight right beside him, was nothing but a mindless dream.

He let out a long sigh as he turned off the lamp on the bedside table, pulling the blanket even closer to his face since tonight was colder than any nights before.

And just like any other time after you left,

He closed the curtains of his bedroom's window.


	2. With Bond || Miya Atsumu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The benefit of knowing him since high school, was how you knew every little thing that he needed. You could solve all of his problems, watching his back on every single move. But this one particular issue? You need someone else to back you up.

"I don't want to live anymore..!"

It had been the  _ most  _ torturous forty minutes of your life.

"I didn't get the number that I wanted, they messed it up!"

He whined, and whined, and  _ whined _ .

"What did I do in my past life to be treated like this?"

And there you were anyway, listening to every word that spilled from his lips as you sat across from him. By breathing in the steam from the cup of coffee in your hand, at least the circumstance became a little bit— _ bearable, _ to say the least.

"Atsumu, dear, I love you. But my ears are going to bleed if you whined  _ just  _ one more time." To the world he was that one person who never once looked like a clown. Perfect hair, pretty face, megawatt smile, picturesque man that every woman wanted to have and every male population wanted to be, "Have you talked to the club about this?"

"Ngh, no?"  _ How in the world did I agree to be his girlfriend in the first place.  _ You let out a sigh and put down the cup of coffee on the kitchen counter, "There's nothing I could do once I got the jersey number, (Y/n). It's not Jackals anymore, it's a goddamn national!"

He had been so giddy ever since he became one of the setters to the Japan National team. It was great with how he didn't feel butthurt for becoming the benchwarmer (Though he would grumble under his breath every time Kageyama popped on the television screen).

Ever since he confirmed his jersey number with the association, he always spent his time sitting on the terrace. Hoping that his jersey would appear miraculously in a matter of second.

Today, he finally got it. And when you heard him scream (Wailing to be exact) on the outside, you knew for sure that something wasn't right.

"It's not  _ his number _ , (Y/n)..." His nosy whining was now died down, replaced with a sad baby phase, "How can I face Samu, now? I don't want him to think that I forget about him!"

It was incredible actually—how he always thought about his brother. As much as he told the whole world how he wished he was born without a carbon copy of himself, deep down, he loved his brother with all of his heart.

"Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?" You stood up and walked towards your boyfriend, "He didn't know, right? That you were going to use his High School number?"

"He didn't know..." He huffed and grabbed your hand when you were finally near, "I am sad..." You could only chuckle at this, "The match is next week. It's sad enough that he couldn't watch it in the stadium, and now this..."

You knew how important the game would be for him. He had been running in the same direction since childhood. And even though he lost someone in the middle of his journey, he still continued the dream.

"Hey, now." You pulled him towards you, resting his head on your chest while your fingers roamed in the strands of his hair, "How about we take a break? Maybe a date? Let's just get your mind off— _ things. _ "

He looked up at you, golden brown orbs gazing at your face with admiration as if you just declared him as the best setter in the world (He was indeed the best setter for you, but you were not in the mood to meet his cocky self).

"Ooohh, where will we go?" You chuckled softly from how excited he sounded just now. Your fingers stroking on his now better coloured hair—unlike his high school one—setting the fringe up.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out, Atsumu."

He was so so eager, looking so innocent as he buried his face on your chest once again. Not knowing what laid for him in the future.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

"I regret  _ shit _ ."

"Uhuh, of course you do, Atsumu."

"How could you do this to me?!"

"Don't be such a wimp and shut yer trap!"

He swallowed a huge lump, a thin layer of sweats already glazed his forehead due to the nervousness. When you said you were going to take his mind off things, he didn't expect you to lead him here.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please wear your seatbelts right away." The announcement from the speaker made him more agitated than before.

"(Y/n), I don't want to die. Please, please, I don't want to do this." You snorted from his exclaim, he was always— _ dramatic.  _ "Can we go back to the merry-go-round, please?"

"You are a twenty-six years old man, Atsumu. Man up!" Your statement only answered with a groan, "Come on, let me check your seatbelts." Both of you were now in the front row—of a rollercoaster.

"Baby, if I die, I want you to know that I love you so much but at the same time I want to throw you on a gutter." He said it with the sulky tone, "Why do you always bully me, (Y/n)? Samu is enough."

"That’s how Osamu and I showed our love for you, you big baby." You booped his nose with your index finger before positioning yourself once again, "Come on, Atsumu, don't pout like that."

Since both of you came to the amusement park, you noticed how people glanced towards your direction. Well, if you had a famous setter wearing a casual sweatshirt as your boyfriend, you have to prepare for all the stares—and sometimes the glare, "Atsumu, look!"

You grabbed his chin and directed it to the horde of the crowd who had their phones up, camera rolling to record every movement and expression of the national's setter, "Smile for the camera, dear!"

"I am going to wreck you tonight for doing this to me." He spitted the words under his breath,

"That’s if you survive."

"I fucking  _ will _ ."

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Well, he was not, at least not completely.

"There, there, baby." You have been patting his back for five minutes now, "Do you need water again? I am sorry, I will treat you to any place that you want after this..."

Concerned lingering in every word that you spilt. His face was incredibly pale once he got down from the rollercoasters, and when he suddenly ran behind a tenant, you knew something wasn't right.

He grabbed the water bottle from your hand, gulping it down to erase the taste of a nightmare from his throat.

"Please don't ask me to ride it again." The setter asked you with a genuine plea, "I swear if you are not there to grab my hand, I would see my soul fly away."

You frowned at this and engulfed him in a big hug. Yes, it was fun at first, with how loud he could be when he complained about almost anything (Just like a baby). But never once you would want to see him like this,

"I am sorry, Atsumu..." You muttered softly, and within seconds, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, enjoying the comfort that you radiate, "Let me make up for it, okay? How about lunch? I know a place that you would really love."

He didn't answer you, nodding softly and just pulled your body closer with him. You couldn't blame your boyfriend from becoming like a lifeless corpse since you were practically the cause of it, "Then let's go."

You eyed the area around you, trying to sneak out from the prying eyes of his fans. With hands interlaced with him, you strolled the amusement park as subtle as ever. When you walked, you could feel how sweaty his hands were—and goddamn it broke your heart because you were the cause of it.

"Oh my god, that's Miya Atsumu!"

"W-What? The setter?!"

"Take a picture, take a picture! OMG who is that ugly woman?"

You tried to ignore all of the murmur around you, and for that you decided to walk faster. Still, that last line you heard stung your heart (Even if you have heard it all the time), you just wanted to get away from this place and get your boyfriend to safety.

But Atsumu noticed something amiss from your expression,

"Shut it, you pigs!" You got pulled by him when he suddenly turned his head towards the woman, "Look at yourself first if you're ever going to insult someone!" He scoffed one last time before dragging you away, "Come on, I hate it here more than anything now."

Your eyes widened as you saw the annoyed facade that plastered on his face. It was rare for him to actually snap—he grew so much since high school after all. But one thing, one thing that he wouldn't let it slide was when you or people that he held dear in his life, insulted.

"Atsumu..."

You called out to him, wanting to catch his attention, "Atsumu, dear..."

When the two of you finally arrived at the parking lot, that was when he faced you. You could see the pained and rage in his orbs, swirling there as his mind replayed the words that he heard before.

"Hey, baby." Your voice sounded so delicate, angelic even in his ear, "Thank you for standing up for me." Your thumb grazed the back of his hand. And from the little gesture, his orbs gradually filled with a warmth gaze, "You are the best boyfriend that I could ever ask."

He snorted and rolled his eyes from the praise, a contrast to how his lips shaped into a sweet smile,

"You know I always hate it when people hate you for no reason." It was not the first time you received such words. But even though you started to get used to it, he never once would be, "No one. I swear no one. Could insult you right in front of  _ me _ and didn't get a taste of spite."

He was rarely being sweet—if you had to be honest. Your relationship with him filled with banter and jokes (And some innuendo here and there). So when he acted like this, you always savoured the moment, imprinted every movement, every word, every flutter of his lashes—deep inside your heart.

"Alright, alright." You answered him, and he leaned his head closer to yours. Knowing what he was going to do, you shut your eyes, and when his lips met with the soft skin of your forehead, a wide smile emerged on your complexion, "I love you, Atsumu."

"I love you too, my pretty bully."

»»————- ♔ ————-««

You flickered your gaze between the road in front of you to your boyfriend who was incredibly quiet for the whole ride. You thought going out and having one hell of a day could distract him. But when all of the crazy events were done, it was back to square one.

He knew how he acted right now made the woman that he loves worried. Yet, he could not help but think about the match with Argentina next week. He planned everything for that day. From how he would show his brother that he was there  _ with _ him, to a plan that he had for you at the end of the game.

_ " _ **_Oh, shit. Sorry, 'Tsumu, but I couldn't be there_ ** _." A frown slipped on his facade in an instant. The setter thought that he would have his brother by his side when he was at one of the biggest milestones of his volleyball career, " _ **_Hello? ‘Tsumu, you there?_ ** _ " _

_ "Yeah, yeah." You leaned your body on the door frame, listening in to the conversation that you knew—didn't turn up good for your boyfriend, "Yeah, I get it. That's alright. That's fine, Samu." _

_ After he hung up, you could see how the giddy smile that once spread on his face, now replaced with a solemn expression. His eyes never leave the screen which darkened gradually, scrutinizing the picture that was taken on one of his games with Schweiden Adlers. A picture of him with the owner of Onigiri Miya. _

_ "He couldn't come." He said with a low tone as the screen blacked out completely, "Things about meeting and such with some business partner from overseas. Expanding Onigiri Miya to another country." _

_ But even though he was hurt by the fact that his twin wouldn't be there physically with him on his first game as national's setter, his words coated with something else. Because through his eyes—he could see that the two of them were basically at one of the biggest milestones. Even when they were on a different path, _

_ They were winning in life  _ **_today_ ** _. _

_ The gloomy look from before was gone as a smirk appeared on his face. His eyes twinkled with excitement with pride burned on his orbs. Then he turned to look at you, lips shaped into a broad grin, _

_ "He's awesome isn't it?" _

He chuckled under his breath, staring outside the window car as he replayed the information that he got a few days ago. But then he sighed once again when his mind went back to the jersey's number that he got, making him grumble.

"Atsumu, we are home."

"I know."

He didn't. He was actually too lost in his own thought he didn't realise that you already parked the car on the driveway. You unclasped his seat belts after doing yours, resulting in him to turn his face on you, a genuine smile on his face.

There was no need for you to do that, but it was just a habit of yours to spoil him here and there. A little gesture that was so simple it was unnecessary but gave so much impact in his heart, "Thank you."

"You are welcome," You leaned in and kissed his cheek shortly, bringing a flutter of butterflies to storm inside his stomach. His cheek tinted with pinkish hue after that as he shook his head, still abashed once in a while when he received an affectionate gesture from you.

You got down from the car first, leaving him to settle down his feelings that still branched out all over the place. His gaze trailed on your figure that was now gone behind the front door. You were an angel in his eyes, someone that always stayed for him, no matter how antics he was.

To found you and actually have a chance with you was a blessing for him, and you were one of the things that he never wanted to trade with anything.  _ I should stop being a burden, _ he thought, realising how childish he acted since yesterday he received the cursed jersey.

With a new mindset, he got down from the car and ran inside, wanting to just engulf you in a hug. He wanted to embrace you, pampering your face with lots of kisses for staying, and for god sake he couldn't wait for the match because by then—hopefully—you would agree to be his  _ forever _ .

"You stupid, I told you that I put the key on the second pot!" But he didn't expect to hear you having a conversation with  _ someone _ ,

Atsumu tiptoed as he made sure to close the front door carefully, wondering who could make you laugh as beautiful as that. And when he popped his head to the kitchen, his pupil dilated as his gaze fell to the exact copy of him.

There was a different spark in his eyes the second he laid his eyes on the black haired man. His mouth agape, too startruck as he just stood there with a stupid look on his face,

"W-What the fuck are you doing here?!" Something that couldn't be mistaken from his shout was excitement, and you were there sharing a look with his twin and chuckled from his outburst. Realising how he acted just now, the setter immediately cleared his throat and calmed himself down; at least he tried to, "I mean, what are you doing here?"

Osamu raised one of his eyebrows playfully, a hand rested on his hips as he stared at the national's volleyball player,

"A little bird told me that you were sulking and she needed my assistance to make sure you were back to your usual self." His words dripped with smugness as he looking down at the groaning man in front of him,

"Duh, both of you would only bully me at the end."

"That's exactly our job."

"Grr..."

But despite the complaints that rolled from your boyfriend's lips, there was a grateful gaze on his eyes as he looked at you. He was too shy—no, not shy. He was too prideful to ask for his brother's presence. Even if he needed it so badly, he would just sulking and whining, literally do nothing.

"Okay, boys. Go out to play some volleyball, I am taking care of the kitchen for today." So as someone who knew him for a long time, you were ready to do things for him as long as he was happy. You were ready, to be there pushing him forward and got his back.

"Thank you so much," He ran up to you, pushing his brother aside and engulfing you in a big hug. Lips close to your ear as he whispered, "Thank you for everything."

And he would be forever grateful, to have you in his life.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Today was the day, the big day for him and the entire monster generation—ah, the nickname which he got from his ex-captain that he respected so much. Thrill and excitement surrounded the entire stadium as cheers and shout never once died down. Filling his lungs with remarkable energy.

"Hoi, Atsumu." The athletic trainer of the national team called him as the entire team prepared themselves in the changing room, "Catch this."

"What-"

He was not ready to retrieve anything as a plastic bag being thrown towards him, greeting his face at the process, "-The fuck!" He whined, making the entire team to snicker; and for Sakusa to cringe hard.

Atsumu rolled his eyes and fetched the bag from the floor, eyeing it with confusion written in his eyes, "Huh? Why did you give me this jersey? I already had one." He opened up the seal,

And he couldn't help but let out a small gasp.

"Oh, your wife called and told me that we printed you the wrong number."

_ Wife.  _ How the words rolled down from someone else's tongue sounded so beautiful as he heard it.

In his hand, there was a brand new jersey that was still fresh from the production house. It was the same with what he wore right now. Red coloured fabric and soft texture. The only difference? The number that printed large in the chest.

It was  _ eleven. _

"You better wife her now, Atsumu." He flinched a little when he heard Ojiro's voice beside him, "The two of you had been together since high school anyway. Don't tell me you still worried that someday she would leave?"

Ah, him in the past was incredibly stupid—and it actually got worse by time. He used to talk to either Kita or Ojiro about his feelings for you. About how he didn't deserve to be with someone who literally could have anyone with how caring and thoughtful you were from the start.

But you chose him. You chose him  _ before _ , you chose him  _ now _ , and you swore you would choose him  _ over  _ and  _ over again _ .

"Aran-kun," He called out to his senpai with a determined look on his face, "How long did we have before the match started?" He took off his jersey,

"Hm?" The wing spikers looked at the clock, "We have fifteen minutes, why?"

"That's enough." The platinum blonde setter was now wearing the new jersey, and somehow, he felt  _ powerful. _ As if he was not alone as he grabbed a little box from his locker, "You were right, Aran-kun."

"What was right?" Everyone was now eyeing the interaction between the two. Curiosity playing in each of their orbs, wondering the reason behind the setter's sudden change of behaviour.

Atsumu stared at the box in his hand as a genuine smile emerged on his face. It was lightweight, but he felt like he had the entire universe in his hand at the moment. Because it was exactly how it is. Because the box held his possible future. A future that he wanted to have only if you were there with him.

He turned towards Ojiro before resting one of his hands on the shoulder of his teammates, patting it softly.

"I better wife her up  _ now. _ "

And in just a split second, Miya Atsumu dashed away from the locker room, ignoring all the shouts and cheers from his teammates. He sped up, running without a care in this world as his mind only filled with a thought of  _ you. _

He ignored all the confused glance that was being thrown towards him, ignoring all the squeal and scream from people that he walked past to. He didn't feel nervous, not even a slightest as he finally set his foot on the VIP bleachers where you sat.

But he was starstruck. He saw you there with his old jersey that was tucked under a simple pair of jeans, looking as magnificent as ever. His focus was all for you, he didn't care how the commentator called out to him, he didn't care when the camera zoomed on his face and followed his every move.

He walked up to you with confidence radiated from him. And you, you could always sense when he was in the same room with you. You whipped your head towards his direction, eyes widened as you didn't expect to see him right now.

"Atsumu, what are you doing?"

You asked, and just like any other day it filled with love and adoration. He didn't feel nervous before, but now as he stood right in front of you, that was when all of the realisation dropped upon him.

_ What if you say no? _

_ What if you wouldn't look at him? _

_ What if you didn't like all of the attention? _

But all of a sudden, the worry that he had in his mind vanished into a thin air.  **_You could do this,_ ** It was as if someone whispered in his ear,  **_Come on, dumbass, she's waiting,_ ** It was as if he could feel one comforting hand patted his back at this very moment,  **_Go get your girl._ **

And now he was ready,

"Be mine  _ forever _ , (Y/n)."

From how tears glossed your eyes, how you clamped your mouth with your hand, how you let out a sob. And from the  _ nod  _ of your head that you gave to him,

He was sure that he was winning in life  _ today _ , and any other day as long as he had you.

  
  



	3. With Lie || Suna Rintarou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about the way he looked at you made you feel so loved. As if you were the only one that he would ever want to spend his life with. But one day he stopped to look at you in the eyes anymore, and you started to doubt the bond that you shared with him.

There were a lot of things about him that you loved so much, and usually, it was just some of his simple habits. It could be a little message that he always sent to you every morning, or how he was attached to some random picture when he was away, sometimes even just him calling you out of the blue only to say three words and then hung up.

_ "I miss you." _

_ "I need you." _

_ "I love you." _

But from all the things about him, you really cherished this one particular trait. Every time he appeared in front of your apartment unnoticed, the first thing that he always did was engulfing you into his tight hug. The gesture that he made as he tried to soak in all of your scent like a charger.

A moment later, he would plop himself onto your sofa, opening his arms as he wanted you there on top of him. Nothing scandalous, just him being extra clingy after days — or sometimes weeks — because he didn't get a dose of your physical affection. And as a good girlfriend, you would comply with his request without thinking twice.

That was what happened  _ before _ . Your body on top of him, his hand getting lost in the strands of your hair, lips occasionally kissing the top of your head. That was a blissful moment that you held dear. No words were being spoken, a quiet atmosphere filled the living room that the two of you were in.

Both of you only needed five minutes to sleep in each other's arms. Sometimes even less than that if he was extremely tired — or just wanted to laze around. But something didn't sit right today, yesterday, and the last few times he had been here.

His chest shook here and there, resulting in you to come back to your conscious mind every time you started to drift off to your slumber. There was a series of giggles and waves of laughter coming from his lips, and it made you groan when he didn't stop after an hour.

"I swear to God, Rin. If you didn't put your phone down I am going to kick you out." You said it with annoyance dripping on your voice. But since he knew you would never do such thing to him — he took it as an advantage,

"Just one more video." He ruffled your hair lazily in hope that maybe it could calm you down. But no, it made you more irritated because you could feel that he was not exactly there with you. However, you waited for him,  _ maybe  _ it would only take a minute.

One minute turned into ten, and ten minutes turned into half an hour. You loved him, you really do. But what was the point of coming here if he ended up not  _ here _ with you?

Sighing, you decided to just roll down towards the floor and get out from his embrace. You stood up and dusted yourself before walking back towards your own bedroom. Normally, he would follow you, and if you strode too slowly, the next thing that happened was you in his shoulder arms before plopping you down towards the bed.

It was what happened weeks ago — but apparently, not now, not in the past few times he was here. You turned your face at him, wanting to see his reaction one more time. Your hand immediately gripped on the doorknob once you noticed he didn't even lift his head to see you. And for you, that was the last straw.

You clicked your tongue and decided to slam the bedroom door. It was him who suddenly popped out in front of your apartment, it was him who said he missed you and wanted to spend time with you,

"’I want to spend time with you’, my ass." You grumbled and changed your clothes into a more comfortable one. If your boyfriend didn't want to cuddle properly, might as well cuddle with your blankets and plushies like you used to when he was away for some games.

You almost grabbed his shirt that he left in your apartment on purpose, and it made you frown because some of his sweet words entered your mind.

_ The morning was your favourite time, because when the sun rises, he could be there with you. You gave your boyfriend the key to your apartment, so when he needed to see you, he could just slip under your blanket, even in the middle of the night. _

_ Your orbs glimmered with affection once you fluttered your eyes open. His dark brown hair that never out of place always looked funny every morning. Your finger daintily touched his cheek. With the rays of sunshine glowed on his silky skin, it looked like he was painted by a god. _

_ You were not afraid to touch him since you knew how an earthquake couldn't even wake him up if he still wanted to take a journey on the dreamland. The sight would never tire you out, you could just gaze and play with his hair for hours, a bonus if he suddenly nuzzled closer to you. _

_ His eyes flickered open, squinting a little as he wanted to adjust his eyesight to the light. He looked so lost for the first few seconds he woke up, like a puppy that was still debating whether to either wake up or go back to sleep. But then he remembered where he was, and he immediately chose the foremost. _

_ "Morning, gorgeous." A smile immediately appeared on his face when he heard your gentle voice, and without waiting for any more words from you, he buried his face on your chest, cuddling into you closer, "Always so needy." _

_ But you didn't mind, you didn't mind at all as he wrapped his arms around you, looking for comfort. Suna Rintarou was just a soft small spoon that loved physical affection from his lover, the clingy type of boyfriend who showed his real nature every time you were around. _

_ "Ngh…" He purred lightly, closing his eyes one more time, "You used my shirt." His large hand gripped on your waist, not too tight yet not too loose, "Not fair, not fair at all." _

_ It was like he was talking to himself. Every morning he would mumble everything that he had in mind, didn't care (or didn't even realise) if you heard it or not. It was just his second nature, one that you found adorable, and it happened until he was fully awake. _

_ "What is not fair? Didn't you like it when I wear your clothes?" Your hand getting lost on his unruly hair, and if it was not because of your question, he would snuggle even closer. But then he tilted his head upward to take a look at you, _

_ "I like it. Ugh, no. I love it." He said it nonchalantly as if his words didn't make your heart thump like crazy, "Please wear my shirt more often." _

_ You raised one of your eyebrows. It was true that he loved to leave his clothes in your apartment, and you actually had a huge amount of it in your drawer. But you only decided to wear it if you missed him a little bit too much than usual — and that meant almost every day. _

_ "Yeah? Why should I?" You wanted to tease him, but he didn't get affected at all and just looked at you with his usual resting bitch face. _

_ "Because I like it, feels like you are mine only." He said it with a flat tone, but there was a sweep of vain in his voice, "And it was something that I wanted to see every morning." _

_ Your pupil dilated a little.  _ **_Is that…? A subtle proposal?_ ** _ But then you composed yourself and averted your gaze from him. The middle blocker only tilted his head to the side, wondering why you acted so silent after being such a tease before, "Did I say something wrong?" _

_ "Oh god, no! It was the opposite of it!" You chuckled a little and peck his nose softly, he closed his eyes when he received the gesture, lips curved like a cat, "For your information, you are here beside me every morning; is something that I want to have too." _

_ Everything just felt so right, and never once you thought you would lose it. Not even in your wildest dream. _

You laid in your bed, eyes flickering to the clock on the wall. With a warm pyjama and pile of blankets, you curled yourself while having a big frown on your face. For the past minutes, you have been wondering  _ why _ . The reason behind his distance, the reason why he wouldn't even look you in the eyes anymore.

It suffocated you, and you just really wanted all of this to end.

Lately, every time he went to your place, it felt like he was never there with you anymore. The world used to rotate around the two of you once the front door closed. There was nothing that could crack the bond between you and him, and yet, something changed along the way.

Now, he would just be... there. Hugs that used to be warm and comforting, now cut short as he just gave you a peck on the forehead and plopped down on your couch. He didn't open his arms for you to come. Though, maybe because he knew that you would slither your way on top of him — yes, it was your hope speaking up to you. 

Then that was it. There was nothing more except the physical heat that his body radiated. You couldn't feel the affection that was there before, nothing. It was as if he was in this place just to tell you he still needed you. He needed the same old routine where he could be himself around you.

But a need was different with love. And with how everything unfolded lately, you didn't know his feelings for you were still the same, or it was just not there anymore.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't realise when his arm slipped around your waist, pulling you closer to his embrace. It felt too good, too perfect to be close with him like this. His breath tickled at the back of your neck as he nuzzled his head closer to you. Like a cat who was guilty after stealing some food from the kitchen.

"Why did you leave?" He rested his chin on one of your shoulders, "I panicked when suddenly you were not there anymore."

You didn't answer him as your eyes darted to the clock on the wall once again. Your hand didn't bother to cover his as you kept your body to be still.

"Twenty minutes."

"What?"

"It took you twenty minutes to realise that I was not there, Rintarou."

He shuddered a little when he heard your tone. Even though your voice was calm and didn't waver in the slightest bit, he could hear how it was sheathed with rage (or was it disappointment?). That, and the fact you called him with his full first name, he knew he screwed up big time.

"Sorry," His voice sounded exactly like a cat, guilty, but he would do it again anyway no matter how many times he realised you didn't like how he acted. At least that was one of his habits, one that was not your favourite, "Are you mad?"

"You think?"

There was a reason why you didn't want to turn your head on him. Because every time you looked at his face, you would fall to his charms, over and over again. His sharp jaw, soft dark brown hair that never fell out of place, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes, those beautiful grey yellowish beads that you love to gaze at.

"Sorry," He muttered once again, snuggling his face closer to yours, "I am sorry I neglected you."

_ But your apology was not what I was looking for.  _ You answered him inside your head, and when he realised you gave him the cold shoulder, he gave up. A second after that, he wriggled himself away from you and sat on the edge of the bed.

Silence filled the bedroom, the uncomfortable silence that you despised so much. It was so quiet that you could even hear him sigh behind you. Now as your mind didn't preoccupy with rage anymore, the memories of the past few days crashed down on you like a bullet train.

"Rin, are you hiding something?"

You waited, wanting to hear anything, any syllables that could reassure you there was nothing going on. But the only thing that you could hear was how he just swallowed a huge lump, a sign that strengthened your suspicion behind all of his action.

That was not the reassurance you wanted to hear. These past few days when he was here with you, you couldn't recognise him anymore. You just needed some answer, some explanation, even if it was just a sweet lie, you would swallow it down without hesitation.

Because you love him too much to let go, but you couldn’t take it anymore,

"I am going to sleep." You alerted him, and he just sat there as he could sense that there was more that would come from your lips, "You don't have to wake me up when you  _ leave _ ."

Every time he came to your apartment, it meant that he would stay the night. All these years that went by, never once he left abruptly. There was no circumstance that made him leave, not even when the two of you just got into a huge fight.

But from your words, he knew that he was no longer welcomed. As if you _ knew  _ — you knew before he could tell you, and it was your final decision already.

You didn't really mean that. You wanted him to snuggle up against you one more time, feeling the same affection that he always gave. You had loved that man since high school, and when he asked you out on your college year, you promised yourself to never let him slip between your fingers.

But when you heard the bedroom door being opened and closed, you realised that it was the start of it. The start of the end of your three years relationship with him.

_ Is this it? _ You thought as you stared at the blank walls. There was no sound from your living room anymore, only silence.  _ What if he leaves me for real?  _ Your mind was frantic right now when the realisation sank into your heart,  _ What if it’s the last time I see him? _

You sat up abruptly and kicked off all the blankets that covered your skin, stumbling your feet on the slippers. With a steadfast move, you open up your bedroom door, in hope that your eyes caught the glimpse of his figure.

But he was not there anymore.

You walked mindlessly towards the empty space, eyes darting to every corner of the room. Checking the bathroom in case he needed to go there. You chuckled bitterly over your own mind. Too naive to think that he would still be here after what you said to him a few minutes before.

Now you asked yourself what if you just turned your head earlier? What if you gave in once again, pulling him into another kiss and acted as nothing changed between the two of you. If that means you could still feel his long fingers tugged gently on your hair, you would turn back time.

But there was no such thing as changing the past, and you knew it.

So when you saw the spare key that was meant for him to keep laid gently on the kitchen counter, you knew that you would regret the words that you said tonight — until as long as your heart beats for him.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Why were you here, at the gymnasium where his team would be practising. It was like there was some kind of force that told you to come here today, and you wish you could pinpoint whether it was a bad feeling or a good one.

The screeching of the shoes made contact with the hardwood floor, and even after multiple times coming in here, you were still amazed by the atmosphere.

“Nice block, Suna!”

The familiar voice that belonged to the libero of the team rang through the sweat scented gymnasium. There was no match today as the place was used by the team. It was always a great sight for you to hold as he looked so free running around the court. His eyes looked so dangerous, body moving in tune with the ball as he jumped to block the attack.

It was mesmerizing, and you subconsciously slipped yourself on one of the bleachers at the top row, forgetting the reason why you were here in the first place as your eyes wouldn’t look away from the man who captured your heart.

You still remembered about how people in your high school always had this charmed gaze when the twins passed them. But you, you always had your eyes on the person behind them, the middle blocker, Suna Rintarou. Even when his eyes always looked down on either his phone or the floor, you could see how gorgeous he was already.

And when you saw him following the rhythm of the volleyball for the first time, you swore you never thought a sport could be so beautiful. Or maybe in your case, he was the one who made you feel so hooked. Because he was there in the court, and everyone always looked the best when they were in their world anyway.

You had your eyes solely on the man, both hands propping your head like you were some kind of teenager in love. Well, you were not a teenager anymore, but the latter was the truth anyway. You were, indeed, in love.

After some practices match, the team finally had their break. You straighten your posture like it was a second nature, fingers combing on your hair, wanting to look as perfect as you could. You stood up, skimming the wrinkles away from your clothes before you walked down towards the court.

He gulped down some waters down his throat as his other hand grabbed his phone from the bag. A gentle smile suddenly appeared on his face, the smile that wouldn’t be produced anymore every time you were around. And that simple change on his face was enough to make you stop moving towards him.

“Rin!” A high pitched voice roared on the court, resulting in the entire team to look up towards the source. There at the opposite bleacher, stood a woman with shiny brown hair and soft makeup on her face. Everyone was looking at her like she was some kind of angel as they ogled at her with amazement on their faces. 

Including  _ him _ .

He walked up towards the woman with the same gentle smile that he used to have when he saw you. And you? You couldn’t look away. Your heart told you to just turn your back and leave the place. But you stay, as if you had to feel the pain as your body stood still.

It was a stupid move, for you choose to look at your boyfriend who was now in the embrace of another woman. They looked so…  _ happy. _ She ruffled his hair gently and pecked him on the cheek as blush adorned his face in a matter of seconds. Wasn’t it supposed to be you? To be the one who came to his practice, cheering him on, and giving him a good luck kiss.

You gripped the strap of your bag tighter than usual, vision blurred as tear after tear started to cascade down your cheek. The woman looked so beautiful, mature, so considerate as she gave him a fancy paper bag that was probably worth hundred thousands of yen — and he looked so happy when he received that.

He once told you that he didn’t like to have you around when he had practice. Saying things like he got distracted so easily when you were there. But now as the heart-wrenching scene kept unfurled in front of you, you knew the real reason behind it.

It was too much now, and you wanted to just get yourself out from here. But luck had never once been on your side as you stumbled down on the staircase, making everyone turn their head towards you. You yelped when you tried to stand up, feeling the pain on your ankle.

Komori immediately rushed up towards you, asking about your feelings with worry lingered on his voice. You wanted to say that you were fine, but at the same time, you couldn’t move your gaze away from your boyfriend. He just stood there, pupils dilated when he saw the pained look on your face.

You were strong, that was something that he knew. There was a time when you were getting crushed by a bicycle, resulting in you having some broken bones. But you didn’t cry that day, you asked about the man who crashed into you instead, asking if he was alright. So he knew, the real reason behind the tears that stained your cheek right now, he knew it was not because of the physical pain.

“Can you get up?” Your eyes finally darted towards the man in front of you. Komori could see the anguish in your eyes, and he was frantic, afraid that you were hurt that bad. “Oh, dear, let me call an ambulance, please wait-”

“No, no, I am alright.” He was ready to dial the hospital, but then you pulled his hand away from his ear, orbs begging for him to just listen to you, “Just, just help me get out of here. I need it more than anything else.”

The libero was unsure at first, but then he saw the pleading look on your face, and he couldn’t help but give in to your request. He put one of your arms around his neck while he hoisted you up gently by resting his hand on your waist. You could feel someone’s gaze burning at the back of your head when you walked up towards the exit door. But you didn’t dare to turn your head, because you knew one look at him was enough to tear your heart apart.

The door behind you closed, and it was just you and the brown-haired man who currently filled the empty hallways. His soft eyes would flicker towards you, worried because it was not like you to cry for some physical pain.

He knew all these things about you from your boyfriend. Suna would always ramble about you, the one woman who never asked for more than his own presence. So it was shocking the libero, when the man who never shut up about you, didn’t even spend his time to make sure that you were alright.

But that’s when he was wrong.

The door that connected the hallways with the main court slammed open, and without turning your head, you could sense  _ him _ . With each footstep that he took, your heart beats faster and faster. Your hand tugged on the libero’s jersey, clinging into the poor man who was being dragged into whatever happened between you and your boyfriend.

“Komori.” His voice was flat as he called his teammates. The libero only sighed and turned his head. “Let me take care of her from here.”

“Is that alright?” Komori turned his face towards you, wanting to make sure that you want your boyfriend to take care of you. But you shook your head softly, planting your gaze to the floor to avoid seeing him, “She didn’t want you to, Suna.”

You thought that he would leave, hoping that he wouldn’t hurt you more than he already had. Your ear caught some footsteps, but the sound was getting higher and higher. Noting that he walked towards you instead of leaving. And your assumption was answered when you could see the pair of familiar shoes right where your gaze fell before.

“Please, Komori.” He knew that you wouldn’t answer him, so he decided to talk to his teammates instead, “I need to talk to her alone.” And your heart cracked from his statement, minds running wild because you were sure what he wanted to tell you. You didn’t want to hear any of his explanations, what you saw before was enough.

But then again, if you wanted to end things right, may as well listen to him — for the last time.

You looked up, eyeing the libero and gave him a reassuring nod. With worry still lingering on his face, he sighed and put your arms around your boyfriend instead. He looked at you one more time, and when you didn’t cower like before, he gave you a little reassurance look before walking back towards the court.

Your eyes trailing to his figure, and once the door engulfed him from your sight, that’s when you realised that your boyfriend had been eyeing you.

“What do you want to tell me?” You coated the sadness in your voice with a hard tone, in hope that he would pull away a little to let you breathe. But he didn’t. Instead of giving you an answer, he guided you to the nearest bench.

“Let me take a look at your feet.” He said softly as he sat you down, his thumb caressing the back of your hand gently before he scooted down in front of you, “Bear with me for a while, I am going to take off your shoes.” You shouldn’t look at him with the same admiration, but the way he delicately untied your shoes, and the way his finger ran smoothly on your skin, you couldn't force yourself to look away.

His thumb grazed across your feet to find the exact spot where you needed extra care. You winced a little when his finger pressed on the spot around your ankle, and he shushed you up, so softly to calm you down. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

If it was in different circumstances, you would laugh it off and poke his nose playfully. Assuring him that he didn't hurt you in the slightest bit. But the words that he said just now hit differently as if he uttered the apology for two things; hurting you physically, and tearing your heart apart into pieces.

"Who was she, Rintarou?" You dropped the question that has been lingering on your mind for quite some time now. His body went rigid once he heard your words, and he immediately looked up at you with nervousness filled his orbs.

"She was no one." He answered you with a flat tone as he tried to avert the gaze that peered into his soul, "Come on, let me take you home."

"No," You gripped hard on his wrist, forcing him to look at you. "I don't want you to drop this conversation as if nothing happened between us."

He swallowed a huge lump once you spat out the words. And from the stubborn look in your eyes, he knew you had won this game. He decided to sit on the floor in front of you, letting out a sigh as he put his head on your thigh.

The action made your heart filled with mixed feelings. You were annoyed because he seems like he wanted to just keep the truth away from you. But at the same time, you still feel the same butterflies that always there when he acted so clingy towards you. 

You almost fall to the same pattern all over again. This is not what you wanted, you needed to know the truth, "Rintarou, I am serious—"

" _ Marry me _ ."

It was as if the time stopped when the words rolled down from his lips. Your body was still, didn't dare to move an inch as you tried to process the phrases inside your head. You parted your lips, wanting to say something. But the only thing that you could pronounce was just a void.

He put his chin on your thighs, gazing upon your face to search for some kind of answer. Yet, the only thing that he could find from your expression was just the confusion and perplex, "It was supposed to be tomorrow, after the games with the Jackals." He slipped his hand on his pocket, "But you were here, and the ring arrives too anyway — Yes, that woman is my cousin, she was the one who helped me with the ring — so…"

Swallowing a huge lump, he sat up straight and looked at you with hope in his eyes, "Marry me, please?" It was not what he had in mind. Not just that simple phrase. You deserved so much better than just a plain proposal, yet here he was anyway, too afraid that he wouldn’t get any other chance if he didn’t ask you now. So he needed to improvise (something that he was really bad at).

"R-Rin, but—" You were too starstruck as he pushed the velvet box into your vision, "Holy shit—" He snorted a little from the cursing words that you emit as he tried to coat his own nervousness. With one last deep breath, he opened up the box.

You gasped. No, not because of how the ring shone with the little rays of sunshine from the window. Not because of how he chose your favourite ring colour. But it was all because of the fact that he was the one who asked for your hand in marriage, not anyone else. "T-This is not fair…"

A tear started to slide down from your eye, hiccuping when you remember the past few days where he couldn't even look at you, "I-If this is what you have planned, then why did you avoid me?!" You didn't mean to raise your voice, "Why did you avert your gaze every time I talk to you? Why did you—"

"Because I can't lie to you!" He interlaced one of his hands with yours, "I could never lie to you, every time I look into your eyes I just want to blurt out the words. Because I want you to be mine, completely. And I want to make it right, I want to propose to you so you felt like you were  _ special _ ."

He kissed the back of your hand, wanting you to know that what he said was genuine, "I am sorry, but please… I want you to be there when I wake up every morning, and I want you to be there beside me on every goodnight. You don’t know how many times I wanted to just say it, (Y/n)..."

Your heart burst with thousands of feelings. Love, admiration, guilt, it was all mixed into one as you pat the empty space beside you, telling him to sit there.

He was still nervous when he took a seat, eyes searching for an answer that he could find from your expression that was now unreadable. You put your hand on top of his, patting him a little before opening up your lips.

"You know… I appreciate the thought that you want me to have some extravagant proposal or something," Your voice was soft as your gaze lingered to where your hand rested, "But I feel special, any kind of proposal that you gave, I will always feel special, Rin…" You finally face him, eyes peered into his yellowish orbs that were now glimmered with some tears, "Because it was you, and being loved by you made me feel like I am the luckiest woman on—"

Your voice cut abruptly as he smashed his lips into yours, swallowing all the sweet words that you said to him. You cursed yourself for thinking that he would leave you, for even thinking that he didn't love you anymore. And right now as he planted the soft kiss to your lips, it felt like all the anxiety that you had for a couple of weeks were just a hallucination.

Both of your cheeks were now covered with tears as the two of you didn't pull away from each other. It was like you gave him the answer that he had been looking for, and he was there to reassure you, that you didn't have to doubt the love that he had towards you.

In between the kisses that you two shared, he slipped the ring to your finger, a perfect fit. He clasped your hand with yours, pulling you on his lap gently to avoid any unnecessary movement for your feet. But you didn't care anymore at this point. The burst of feelings inside your heart preoccupied your mind, not even the pain that you felt could make it die down.

He pulled away softly, resting his forehead on yours as the two of you tried to catch some air. The way his breath tickled your lips, or how his hand wrapped around your figure, it made you feel in cloud nine, still couldn’t believe in yourself that all of your worries were for nothing.

It was funny how love works sometimes. There would be doubt, there would be a time when everything felt so wrong and you just wanted to run away. There would be times when you felt like you hated him.

But if you could get through all of those questionable feelings, then the two of you were really meant to be. Because with love and belief, if it mixed together — it could create the most powerful bond that ever existed in this world.


	4. Need You Now || Kuroo Tetsurou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liquor might help you escape, but it would never get you out from the truth.
> 
> — a songfic, Need You Now by Lady A

The whole house was dark due to how all of the curtains were closed. There's no way the moonlight could illuminate the space he was in right now. And it was his intention to do so, to just engulf himself in total darkness.

Occasionally, his phone would light up, blinding him numerous times until he decided to flip the screen towards the surface. The room reeked with alcohol and sweat like you could find a dead body somewhere in the room.

Bottles scattered all around the floor, some even still have liquid inside, making it drip down the wooden floor. He didn’t care at all, what he needed was the alcohol to repel the pain away,

To repel all of the memories away.

**_Picture perfect memories_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Scattered all around the floor_ **

_ “Tetsurou!” You called out to your long time boyfriend, finally arriving in your home country after staying in another continent for college. He was standing there near the arrival gate, a flower bouquet in his hand while filming your arrival with his phone. _

_ “That’s my girl,” He whispered near the phone, you were running, ready to engulf yourself in the arms of your beloved, “Look at her, as beautiful as al-” _

_ “TETSU!” You tackled your lovers to the ground, delighted to finally come home, to finally be with him, “I missed you so much!” Kuroo laughed, trying to save his phone and put it in his pocket after turning off the camera. _

_ “I miss you too, kitten.” The nickname rolled from his tongue so smoothly. He held you close, didn’t care anymore about where the two of you were at the moment. _

_ People passed by, some of them smiled and chuckled for the couple, some of them embarrassed and just walked by like they had seen nothing. _

_ The two of you survived the nightmare called long-distance relationship for the whole four years. And right now, you were certain that the future would be so much easier with the two of you moving in together. _

_ But then, some relationship works better with space. _

**_Another shot of whiskey,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Can’t stop looking at the door._ **

His bedroom door opened, and he didn’t even bother to turn his head anymore. Deep down, he knew too well that it would never be you. So what’s the point lifting his hopes up anyway.

“You look like a mess.” The small voice that belonged to his childhood best friend filled the quiet space, “Have you consumed anything rather than alcohol? It’s disgusting.”

He just snorted, looking for another bottle rather than answering the pro-gamer who was now cleaning up the scattered bottle with his foot.

“I am a mess, Kenma.” He answered a matter of factly, “And no, I haven’t consumed anything yet, even water!” He blurted it like he was proud of it.

“She wouldn’t like it,” Kuroo almost gulped down another whiskey, but stopped when his best friend mentioned someone, “You know she doesn’t like to see you drunk, so stop it.”

Kenma really hoped that the bedhead would finally get out of his antics already. But instead of hearing the bottle being dropped to the ground, he heard a laugh instead, coming from the drunken man.

“What the heck do you know about her?” Kuroo said between the laughed, “She would never care, man. She’s the one who  _ left me _ .”

Hearing the words rolled out from his lips, Kenma immediately squatted down and punched the wasted man with so much force. Kuroo chuckled bitterly, spitting out the blood from his mouth, “Feisty now, huh?”

“How dare you,” The man that used to be so silent was now looking at the bed head with rage in his eyes, “How dare you say she was the one who left!” His hand grasped the collar that belonged to the drunken man.

“I said the truth!” Kuroo looked straight into his best friend, challenging him if he dared to punch him once again. But all of a sudden, he slouched down as memories started to appear in his mind. Memories that he tried so hard to escape, “No, please… I don’t want to remember…”

He trembled in a matter of seconds. Kenma could only let go of his grasp as the man in front of him crumbled down like a building without a foundation. He was always like this since two weeks ago.

Kuroo Tetsurou has become a mess since you left two weeks ago.

Kuroo’s eyes filled with tears, he smacked his head numerous times with his palms. He tried to forget, he didn’t want to remember anything. All the pain that you gave him, all the sadness that was always washing over him, all of the truth that he was trying so hard to conceal.

It now appeared once again in his mind, haunting him at the back of his mind. He was suffocating, mind filled with your faces,

“P-Phone,” He whispered under his breath. Begging for his best friend to throw his phone at him, “Kenma, my phone.” His voice raised, making the pro-gamer snap out of his trance.

Kenma stood up, frantically searching for the phone. It was messy all over the room, making the quest to be harder, “Please,”

“I am searching,” His eyes scanned the whole room and found the phone laying on the bed. He immediately grabbed it, walked towards the whimpering man once again, “Here.”

Kuroo snatched his phone from his grasp, the blinding light from the screen didn’t stop him from scrolling down the phone. Kenma eyed him with curiosity shone in his eyes, wondering what the man would do.

Suddenly, a ringing sound could be heard from the phone. Kuroo waited and waited, he wanted you to pick up the phone so he could hear your voice once again, reassuring and telling him that you love him.

**_Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control,_ ** **_  
_ ** **_And I need you now._ **

“ _Hello, this is (L/n) (Y/n) speaking~!_ ” He sobbed, hearing your voice even though it’s not in real-time, “ _I am sorry that I couldn’t answer the phone call, it’s not that I am avoiding you, okay?_ ” Your voice sounded so angelic, so gentle, and filled with positivity, “ _It’s because I am busy! Call me back later or leave the message after the beep~!_ _Bye!_ ”

The phone fell towards the ground, he didn’t bother to see if it’s cracked or not, he didn’t mind it at all. It was painful, to lose someone that was very dear in his life, to lose you, the woman that he thought he would spend his life with.

Kenma seated beside him, patting his back as he cried non-stop. Kuroo was crying over something that he could never have anymore. He cherished his relationship for years since high school, the two of you even survived being apart for four years.

So when he started to live with you, he didn’t know anymore why everything was falling apart.

_ “I swear you are being so unreasonable right now.” Kuroo snarled at his girlfriend, “It’s just one time! And she’s the one who came at me!” _

_ The two of you were on your way home, today is his birthday and he wanted to go to the new club downtown. You were not a fan of clubs and discotic, you didn’t even know that he was a fan of it. _

_ It was surprising to know how much his lifestyle changed. Four years was really a long time, but you never thought he would change so much. _

_ “You could push her away, Tetsu.” Your voice was calm, didn’t want to provoke any anger, “But you didn’t, and you even let her grind on your lap.” _

_ “Oh, come on!” He was angry and a little bit tipsy, the fact that he was the one behind the steering wheel scared you, “What should I do then your highness? Push her until she falls towards the ground?!” _

_ Your eyes twitched when he gave you the nickname. It was the name that he used every time you said your dislikeness over something that he did. You believe that in a relationship it was alright to share something like that, but he always misunderstood your intention with something else. _

_ “Well, you could just tell her no from the start.” Your voice started to waver, your hand clenched into the seatbelt that you wore, “Hell, Tetsu! You even grabbed her waist like you enjoyed it!” _

_ “I DID ENJOY IT!” He was coated by anger at this point, “I did enjoy how she ground on my lap, it was sexy that you couldn’t even compare.”  _ **_Shut up, idiot._ ** _ “Why am I even with someone like you?”  _ **_I said, shut up!_ **

_ “Y-You didn’t mean that,” Your voice wavered, couldn’t believe the words that were out from your boyfriend’s lips, “You didn’t mean that, Tetsu… You are drunk, come on, baby…” You touch his shoulder, caressing it a little.  _

_ His body tensed up the second your hand fell on his shoulder. You tried to hide your pain away by biting your lips, “Switch with me, please.” _

_ “No,” His eyes still focused on the street, “Stop nagging me, ugh… Why don’t you just give me space for once!” He turned to look at you, and his gaze made you backed away in an instant. _

_ Kuroo Tetsurou used to despise fights. He would even lower his pride if that meant he didn’t have to go through any anger and dispute. So you didn’t know anymore who was the man beside you right now, eyes blazing with rage as he stared at you. _

_ “Alright,” You fiddled with your own finger, “Pull over, I am going to stay with my friend.” _

_ “Y-You are going to leave me?” He was flabbergasted, never thought that you would really leave him alone. _

_ “You are the one who asked for it, Tetsurou.” It was the truth, he was really the one who asked for it. _

_ So why did he feel like it’s wrong? Why did he feel like he would never get to hear your voice again if he pulled over right. _

_ But he did anyway, swerved the wheel immediately without thinking, making you jolt. He didn’t even say sorry and unlocked the key, never once spared you a glance. _

_ “What’s going on between us, Tetsurou?” You let out a long sigh, the lights from the street keep hitting your face, “We used to be so… Good.” You turned your head towards him, “But ever since I came home, everything we do will end up with a-” _

_ “Fight,” His grip on the steering wheel tightened, “We always… Fight.” He turned his head, finally facing you, “What happened to us, (Y/n)? I am questioning that too.” _

_ The truth, both of you didn’t know why everything went downhill once you lived with him. You sometimes questioned his schedule and he would say things like you were too curious. _

_ Most of the time the two of you had fun, it would end up with both of you screaming on each other's faces. You tried to understand what was happening. You really want this six years relationship to work out at the end of the day. _

_ But not every relationship could be saved. _

_ “Let’s just take a break.” You voiced what’s inside your heart, “Let’s take a break, Tetsurou.” _

_ “You… You’re breaking up with me?” You wanted to say no, you wanted to just force him to switch to your seat. But something inside your heart telling you that it needed to stop. _

_ That in this life, not everything could last forever. _

_ “Yes,”  _ **_No, I still love you_ ** _ , “We are not meant for each other,”  _ **_I want to keep trying_ ** _ , “Please go home, it’s not your fault, okay?”  _ **_But I wouldn’t fight for someone who didn’t try too._ **

_ You leaned in to kiss his lips. His eyes widened, too shocked to process anything that happened right now. The kiss was fast but it gave an impact, nagging at his heart as you pulled away. _

_ He was longing for you. He should have said something. He should have screamed for forgiveness and told you that he would do better. _

_ But instead, he let you close the door of the passenger seat. Never once coming back to his life. _

“Kuroo, you need to let go.” He was dazed as his mind filled with the thought of you, only you, “Kuroo, it’s not your fault.” Kenma was now standing in front of him, bent down a little to level his head with Kuroo.

“It is my fault, Kenma.” The bedhead now started to sober, “I need a drink,” He remembered something else, something that he didn’t want to remember, “Kenma, I need my drink.”

He pleaded, eyes scanned the room to search for another drink. But he found none, the only thing he could find was some empty bottles. Kuroo was frantic, something told him to drown in alcohol again.

Kenma just let out a long sigh as the broken man stood up, still searching inside his room for a bottle of alcohol, “I am sure I still have it, I am sure, Kenma. I-”

“I emptied all the bottles,” Kuroo jerked his head to his best friend, “I drained it all in the bathroom.”

Alcohol was the only thing that kept him functioning. Because he knew, he knew too well that he couldn’t survive the reality if he was sober.

“W-Why…” He sat at the edge of his bed, putting his hands on his ears, “Why did you do that, Kenma? I couldn’t… I couldn’t…” Tears were streaming down his face once again as something appeared on his mind, “Too painful, I can’t do this, it hurts…”

He was a whimpering mess right now, sobbing uncontrollably while he tried to just rip his brains out from his head. He wanted to stop thinking.

“Alcohol is the one who killed you inside, Kuroo.” Kenma walked towards him, “You need to face the truth.” The black-haired man only shook his head, “Alcohol is the one who killed your relationship, Kuroo.” Kenma clenched his hand into a fist, his hate towards the liquid was blazing, “And it was the one who killed her.”

**_You need to let go._ **

_ Let go of who? _

**_You need to face the truth._ **

_ What truth? _

Kuroo looked up to his best friend, he opened up his mouth to say something. He was now sober, and all the memories were hitting him again. The memories, the true memories.

The reason why he wanted to drown in the drunken state over and over again.

“I didn’t mean to do that, Kenma.”

“I know, Kuroo.”

“I didn’t mean to  _ kill  _ her.”

_ “Let’s just take a break.” You voiced what’s inside your heart, “Let’s take a break, Tetsurou.” With the car stopped to the side already, you decided to take off your seatbelt. _

_ But the sound of it snapped your boyfriend, _

_ “No,” He step on the pedal, making your body jolted as he swerved the car back to the main road, “I love you, and I don’t want this to end. We could work this out.” _

_ “Tetsurou, slow down!” You screamed as he drove with an immense speed, “I love you too! But please, slow down!” _

_ He couldn’t hear you, the only thing that struck inside his mind was you leaving him. He didn’t want to slow down or even stop, he was afraid that you would get out of the car and never once take another look at him. _

_ “Baby, please…” You plead as your eyes look at the traffic light, “Tetsu, dear, slow down!” It was yellow, and your boyfriend didn’t even think about stepping on the brake, “TETSU, WATCH-” _

_ He couldn’t hear your scream, his ears filled with a deafening silence when the airbags knocked him back and sideways. The car tumbled over and over into the street before coming to an absolute stop. _

_ Silence, it scared him more than his own pain. You should be moaning out of pain, calling his name, or just emitted something from your lips. He shook his head as his eyes were blurred. He just realized that the car was upside down. _

_ And when his vision was clear, he hoped the deity took his life right now. _

_ There were no airbags coming out from the passenger seat. You took off your seatbelt before, and too overwhelmed by his drive to even wear it again. The car had flipped too many times, making your whole body disorientated. _

_ It was silent in his world. He couldn’t hear the siren outside and people screaming out. His eyes focused on you, the love of his life, the one person that was always so patient with him. _

_ The one person that was now laying there with eyes empty. Your cheek stained with tears as you looked deep at the man that you adored since high school, the one man that somehow, took your life away. _

_ He couldn’t look away, even when people already helped him to get out from there. When someone tried to pull him out of the car, he felt the tug on his hand. _

_ At the last moment of your life, you decided to grasp his hand, interlaced your small hand with his. Tears started to brimmed on his face when he realized what you tried to do. _

_ You held his hand, making sure that he was alive. You looked at him, making sure that he didn’t blame himself for what might have happened. Then there’s your smile, reassuring him that it was alright. _

_ And when people could finally get him off from the car, his eyes still focused on your figure, noting every single detail that he could collect, for one last time. _

**_Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all_ **


	5. Caim || Kita Shinsuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caim (n.) lit. "sanctuary"; an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, that reminds you that you are safe and loved, even in the darkest times.

It was almost sunset when the clouds gave off their rain to the grass and trees, dropping down simultaneously and wet the crops in the backyards. It was the time when the road became alive with more splashes than the eyes could appreciate.

The two of you always enjoyed the rain. Though, your husband didn’t particularly love it that much since it was hard to work on the crops when the rain fell. Since most of the time, the rain was always accompanied by wind and storms.

But then you were always there, helping him on the fields in your free times. When it rained and the vision would be blurry, you would just hum a song and continue your work, never once complaining about how muddy your entire body was.

Rain held a lot of memories in your heart. It was raining when you first met him, there was even a storm when he told you that he loved you for the first time. And that particular time right after the rain — where he got down on one knee as he led you to the green fields on the hill — would be your favourite.

Though, the rain today only strengthened the melancholy atmosphere while you sat on the passenger’s seat. Eyes focusing on the window at your side, you didn’t actually focus on the moving sight as you were just staring into space.

You bit your lips, hands clenching into your own blouson as you could feel yourself trembling. There were no other sounds that could be heard beside the prickling rain on the window, not even one syllable was out from your lips.

Kita looked at his wife occasionally, letting out a single sigh when you didn’t spare him a glance for the entire ride. He was always calm when it comes to everything that came in his life.

But seeing you right now, with a mind that he couldn’t predict, was very much making him feel restless.

The car finally rolled down on the garage, rain still poured heavily when the car finally stopped. He wanted to say something to you, trying to reassure you that there was nothing you should be worried about.

But before he could say anything, you already opened up the door, getting out of the car as the freezing water impaled your skin, leaving your husband's mouth agape inside the small space, trying to process what was happening just now.

He shook his head, awaking himself from his flabbergasted state. From all the time that he lived, his brain just wouldn’t work right now. He needed to think of the way to calm you down, but nothing came out from his mind.

And for the first time in forever, Kita Shinsuke felt nervous.

No one would think that he would find someone in his life after all. It was not that no one was interested in him, but it was all about how everyone was not enough in his eyes.

No one could level with his high standard. A perfect wife, someone who could cook like a chef, someone who would wake up early morning doing all the house chores, someone that he could spend time with talking about the mystery of the universe.

Then came you, someone who barged into his life with force, messing up all of his routines every second that he spent with you.

You were the epitome of sacrifices when you decided to love the man. All your life, you were just a normal girl that one day stumbled into his world. He never once glanced at you before.

But the thought changed when he started to realise that you did a lot just to make him take a look at you.

So when you were running away from him at this moment, his mind went blank as he didn't know how to face you in a state like this.

With one last sigh, he turned off the car, getting out without grabbing the umbrella on the back seat. After all, the umbrella wouldn’t even save him from the wind that came with the rain.

When his figure was finally safe from the rain, the only thing that greeted him at the front door was darkness. The lights were out since lunchtime, so it didn’t cross his mind to turn on the light.

Usually, you would always be there to help him prepare the warm bath, asking him to bathe together since it was faster that way. But you were nowhere in sight.

He turned on the light that was installed on the living room, his eyes winced a little from the sudden brightness. He was hoping that you would run to him, thinking that maybe you were already preparing the bath.

It felt strange, without the warmth that he usually got from you. He walked mindlessly to every room in the house, wanting to hear any kind of sound. But there was no voice, not even a footstep could be heard around the house.

The only thing that made him know where you were right now was the fact that the bathroom light was on. He felt relieved for just getting the information that you were there, even though he saw you walk inside the house a few minutes before.

He took care of himself, taking off all of his clothes and put it on the laundry basket that you put on the bedroom. The light was still off, as he thought that the light from the bathroom was enough.

Wrapping a white bathrobe around his body, he waited for you to come out as he leaned near the bathroom door. But something was off as he waited for minutes.

There was no sound that could be heard inside, not even a splash of water or a sigh. So he decided to knock, waiting for your answer.

His action was only answered by silence. Thus, he knocked again and again, starting with a gentle knock to a more hurried one.

“(Y/n)?” He called out, voice dripped with concern, “(Y/n), answer me.” He tried to push the door open with his body, you were still not answering and it made him feel jitters.

After the seventh attempt, he could finally slam the door open. And he swore that his heart almost stopped when his eyes laid on you.

Your body sprawled on the tiled floor, cheeks stained with tears as you tried to control your own breathing. He had never seen you like this, not even years having you as his wife.

You felt like you were choking, breaths came out short and shallow due to the distress that you held for hours. And it started right after you heard the news from today. 

He never encountered someone he closed with to have a condition like you were in right now. And if he could say the truth, he didn’t know what he had to do.

But one gaze from you was enough to wake him up from his own agitation. His whole body was now trembling as he squatted down beside you, pulling your figure to his embrace as he tried to tell you that he was there. He was there for you.

“I am sorry,” He held you close, trying to hold down his own tears, “I am here now, my love. I am here.”

And with that one gesture from your husband, you felt like someone just lifted a huge rock from your body. But your breath still felt heavy, so you decided to creep your hands into his bathrobe, clenching hard at the fluffy surface to keep yourself steady.

You opened up your eyes to found a pair of dark eyes looking at you with concern showing up from the warm orbs. Even though you could still feel each of your breaths, rasping just as the same as if you were having a cold, somehow you felt a lot better.

Maybe it was the fact that you were now feeling the familiar warmth. The warmth that you could only find in the arms of your husband. He gently rocked your body, holding you in his embrace like you were so fragile that could shatter in any moment.

He eyed your expression that was now a lot better, your shallow breath started to get back to normal. And it was a progress for him, even if he could still find agony in your eyes.

Kita knew well not to push you on anything. He knew you would always tell him everything if you were comfortable. But right now, he knew exactly what made you feel like this.

And it broke his heart when he realised it was all because of him.

“You know,” Your voice was so small, making him lower his face a little so he could hear you better, “It’s no use, Shin.” You bit your lips and shook your head, “I couldn’t be  _ that _ perfect woman.”

He never knew seeing you cry would bring torment in his heart. Not even once he saw you cry out of stress and sadness, and he never wanted to see this, much more if it was him who caused it.

From the first time you laid eyes on him, something stirred into your heart, telling you to never let go of the man. 

Everyone knew about how clashing your personality was compared with him. They didn’t need a professor to know that a relationship would never work between the two of you.

He was delicate, blunt, always thinking logically and blurted every opinion out without any filter. While you were spontaneous, using your heart rather than your brain, and very much an emotional person.

So you shook everyone when you came into the high school reunion with him by your side — while bearing his last name.

You showed him that you could cook, putting a lunch box in his locker even when he didn’t really know who you were at first.

You always cleaned the club’s room, even when it was not your time, because you wanted to be great at it, preparing yourself for the distant future.

You read a lot more books in your free time, or read some news and theory that you could find, so you would be ready if someone brought the topic.

It wasn’t the fact that you could cook tofu hamburgers perfectly, or the fact that you could click with him when he asked you about certain topics. Those were not the reason behind his feelings that he harboured towards you.

But it was all the dedication, all of the passion that you poured towards him that made the blunt man interested with you. So by time, those interests started to grow, becoming the feeling that he felt right now,  _ love _ .

And somewhere along the line, you were already perfect in his eyes,

“You are perfect.” He stated with his usual tone, making you chuckle bitterly at this, “I am serious.”

“I am not perfect,” There was venom in your voice, and he didn’t like it at all, “Yes, I could cook and do some house chores. Yes, I was there through your hard times and support you anyway, but…”

You trailed off, pulling yourself away from his embrace. Abashment filled your mind as you leaned on the cold wall, hugging your own body while you stared at your husband who was now looking at you with pain striking in his eyes.

“I couldn’t, Shin…” You shook your head, trembling once again when the memories from the appointment before crept into your mind, “I couldn’t grant your wish to be a father,”

_ “I am terribly sorry, miss.” You didn’t like the tone that the obstetricians used, not at all, “But no matter how many times you tried, it wouldn’t be possible.” _

_ “W-What?” You could feel the grip on your shoulders, knowing well that your husband understood the lingering meaning, “I am sorry, but can you explain it to us?” _

_ The older woman in front of you just let out a long sigh, pity appearing in her eyes as she stared on the couple in front of her, _

_ “The news would be hard for the two of you,” You could feel your breath starting to hitch, “We found a complication from your last…miscarriage,” You bit your lips, still devastated for the fact that you  _ **_once_ ** _ lost a child. _

_ “A-And, where does the complication take me now?” The doctor averted your gaze, “Can you tell me what that means?” _

_ “I want you to know that it’s not your fault,” She showed you the results, and your heart stopped for a second when you read the diagnostic, “But you were diagnosed with infertility.” _

You could remember the look on his face when the words came. It was a disappointment, a huge one that you couldn’t even fathom what was actually happening behind his eyes.

It had been five years, five years into the marriage and you couldn’t give him one thing that he wanted the most in his life, a posterity.

He would sometimes have a longing look in his eyes, and he would tell you how perfect it would be if there was a sound of tiny footsteps running around the house.

The two of you even painted the walls together for the room beside your shared bedroom. It was painted white, and the room was fully furnished with a crib, couch, and the drawer to put their clothes.

But that dream shattered when you woke up one morning, felt like you had the most painful cramps in your entire life.

And you went home from the hospital, staying in the room that belonged to your unborn child. Your husband could only watch as the love of his life cried and screamed for the unfair reality.

You keep trying, holding on the hope that your doctor once told you. It was possible, to get pregnant again. It was possible, to be a mother. It was possible, to grant his wish that he secretly wanted to.

So why were you here right now, numbing all over your body, mind couldn’t comprehend anymore what was happening. First the miscarriage, and now,

The fact that you could never give him a legacy haunted you on every breath you take.

Nothing could be heard in the room right now except the prickling sound of rain from the outside. The tension was high as you failed one job that a wife should do.

He would be lying if he said that he was not devastated by the news. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want a child. He would be lying is he said it was alright.

But right now, he didn’t care about any of that. Not when someone that was always there for him needed his comfort.

He scooted closer to you, carefully sat beside the wonderful woman he proudly called his wife. Gently, he wrapped his arms around you from the back, once again engulfing your frozen skin with his warm.

“I am alright with that,” You widened your eyes at his words, “I love you, and that’s what's important right now.” He tightened his embrace a little. Not too tight, and not too loose. It was just right.

In this storm, in this wind that howls, he was the gentle centre. He always radiated warmth, consistent love and patience. This is why you love him so, it was in your nature to trust him way before your mind could. 

He lifted your chin gently, trying to make you look at him. His eyes shone with adoration, not even a glimpse of sorrow could be seen on his dark eyes. It was a contrast compared to yours that was now filled with hopelessness and anxiety.

“B-But, Shin,” You avert his gaze, turning your head away from him once again, “Can’t you understand?” Your voice was now dripping with venom, it was not fragile, just pure rage, “I couldn’t be a good wife! You wouldn’t get anything from me, I have failed you, Shin. I-”

Then you were just silent, as you could feel his lips easing out all of your insecurity and worry. He cupped your cheek, deepening the kiss while keeping it soft and gentle, trying not to overwhelm you.

Tears started to appear once again in your eyes. But it was not caused by the same reason as before. It was the tears that came out when he first said he loves you, it was the tears that came out when he asked you to move in with him.

It was the same tears that you poured when he grabbed your hands when the rain was soaking your clothes, right in the middle of the fields. It was the same tears as that time, that time where he slid the ring into your finger.

The ring that he gave to you, for you to keep it — forever.

You were now calmed down completely as his hands delicately helped you to take off your wet clothes. He stood up, grabbing the long towel and engulfed you with it, warming your body that was still shivering due to cold.

He prepared the warm bath for the two of you, searching for the bath bombs that you bought online to add some calming scent. You giggled a little when he was confused with all of the product names.

“Definitely not this one,” He mumbled under his breath when his eyes scanned one of the purple-pink bath bombs, “Are you alright with lavender?” He gazed on your figure that was now seated on the wooden stool. 

You nodded, and that was the only thing he needed before unwrapping the soothing lavender products, throwing it on the bathtub and letting it sizzled. 

His face was comical, to say the least as he examined how that little ball could make such satisfying feelings, he was always amazed by the magic behind it.

You walked towards him as he started to take off his bathrobe. He dipped himself first inside, positioning his body to the tub. His hand softly grazed yours, secretly demanding you to get in there with him.

So you unwrapped the towel from your body, dipping inside the warm water. He helped you to search for the best position that could make you feel comfortable.

You leaned your body on his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist, pampering your shoulders with a lot of kisses.

“I am not someone that would walk away so easily,” He voiced his heart out between the kisses, “And I wouldn’t stop loving you. Not now, not forever.” You put your hands on top of his, caressing it with your thumb.

“I am still sorry though,” He glared at you at the words, making you shiver all over your body, “I- Well! Don’t blame me on this one.” Your husband could only let out a long sigh and put his chin on your shoulder, a little pout emerging on his face.

“I don’t blame you,” His hand caressing your stomach, making you jittery a little from the sudden contact, “We could always adopt you know?”

“B-But isn’t that different?” You were worried that he said that solely because he wanted to cheer you up, “Don’t you want it to be  _ completely _ yours?”

He scrunched up his forehead, questioning your way of thinking. He knew you were an open-minded person, so your worry wouldn’t be about yourself. It was because you were thinking of him.

“You know if we adopt a child then that means the same, right?” He flicked your forehead gently, making you yelp due to surprise, “There’s no difference in it, as long as we love and take care of them.”

You were so grateful to fall in love with him, and he was too, grateful to have a wife that loved him with all of his antics. You decided to turn your head a little, wanted to look into your husband.

He eyed you with adoration, gave you a little peck on the lips, making you smile at the little gesture.

“I love you, Shin.” You put your forehead on his, closing your eyes and enjoying the warm embrace, “Thank you for letting me slide into your life.”

The rain still downpoured at the outside as you could still hear their knock on the roof. He tightened his embrace a little, trying to soak all of the love that you radiated.

Your heart still ached a little, remember that you wouldn’t grant his wish. But he was there to reassure you that his wish was just simple. For you to be there on his side forever, with the legacies that would bless his life, without caring where they were coming from.

In time, this sorrow in your heart would heal because you would receive infinite affection from him. The delicate man that somehow could work perfectly with your idiosyncrasies. 

Someday you would feel bound and free, flying and grounded, laughing and sober. Perhaps it was him that performed the miracles and blessed you with his existence.

At this time you felt invincible, knowing he would be there beside you either way. You couldn’t wait to see the skies after the storm, together with the one you trust your life with. 

So by the end of the day, the two of you knew that there’s no one in this world that you wanted, no one except him. And he knew you would always be the one he wanted to wake up next to in the morning.

Every single day until the end of time.


	6. In The Rain || Miya Osamu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those who said that the only thing that could bring happiness was sunshine, then they have never danced in the rain before.

You stood in front of the grocery store with a pout gradually slipped to your facade. The azure light was so bright an hour ago, the breeze was warm as it touched your skin. Thus the reason why you went to this place by foot instead of using the car.

But now, the sky decided to cry at whatever breaking their heart at this very moment. The sun was hiding under all of the clouds that filled the horizon, raindrops hitting the road mercilessly. Generating the swarm of people to run around with their bags on top of their head, trying to shield themselves from the water that struck their skin.

You jolted when you felt someone's palm rested on your arm, caressing it gently as they knew how tense you were from the predicament. The touch was so familiar, and you calmed down immediately from his gesture. It was your husband, Miya Osamu,

"It's raining."

He stated the obvious scenario that was now unfolding in front of you, making you roll your eyes from his statement. If you were not stressed, you would chuckle and smacked his muscular torso. But no, you just bought something that could be destroyed if it made contact with water.

And you were pretty sure by the time you came back to the shop, it would be damaged already — noting how heavy the rain was.

"Samu, what should we do?" Your forehead scrunched up as you spun your brain, thinking about how to save all of the belongings on the bag, "Right now I really miss having a plastic bag."

"Hey now, you don't mean that. You said you wanted to _go-green_ as much as you can, right?" He wrapped one of his arms around your neck, ruffling your hair gently, "What did you buy? I thought we were just shopping for some ingredients."

You opened up the plastic bag for him to look by himself, and he raised one of his eyebrows when he saw the device, "Hairdryer? That's—"

"Yes. Tragic isn't it?" You huffed, blowing your hair away from your face that was tickling your nose, "Our hairdryer was in memoriam since our son think that sucking the air from a plastic bag using the back of the hairdryer was a good thing."

"Oh, that time! But that was because he needed it. Something about making some rock properties for their drama play or something?" Osamu wanted to grab the groceries bag from your hand, a habit of him since he didn't like to make you tired. But you pulled your hands away before he could do that.

"Believe me, I am not going to get angry if it turns out good."

"Is it that bad?"

"It's awful!" You let out your frustration, telling him the exact scenario that happened a few days ago. From other people's point of view, you would look like a feral woman ready to throw a child in a trashcan. But through his eyes, he just saw a tired wife that needed a break, and maybe some pampering that could make you feel at ease.

"And I swear to God, Samu. If he's not my child I will—"

Before you could say anything, he immediately clamped your mouth with his palm, knowing that it was just your emotion who ran your mouth at this very moment,

"Take a deep breath, okay? I will take my hand away but you need to promise me to take a deep breath with me." You closed your eyes and nodded at his statement, "Good."

He pulled his hand away from your mouth, guiding you to calm yourself down by running his thumb ups and down your arms. After seconds, you were back to yourself, but now letting out a long sigh as your mind clouded with the hairdryer that could be damaged once again.

You darted your eyes to the sky, sad by the fact that not even a glimpse of rays slid between the clouds. Even the sky became so much darker than before, and the rain never once gave you any mercy.

He eyed you carefully with concern engraved all over his complexion. Usually, you were not someone who got upset so easily. But these past few days your mood had become a rollercoaster, and he felt helpless sometimes as he couldn't do anything about it.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." Your husband's voice sounded so gentle as he tilted your head softly with his finger, pushing you to look at him, "The hairdryer was in a box, right?" You nodded, answering his question with the simple gesture, "Then come on."

Without waiting for your approval (something that he knew he wouldn't get), he interlaced his hand on yours, pulling you towards the rain as he walked towards the whirlwind weather. He could feel how you tugged on his hand, yelping once your entire figure drenched by the rain.

"Samu!" But he didn't stop, knowing if he looked back at you he would take you to shelter. And right now, he wanted to do something to make you let loose — even if it was just for a bit.

You eyed his back as you walked behind him, raising your eyebrows from the bizarre action that he decided to do. He walked like he didn't just soak himself under the heavy rain. As if it was sunny outside as he enjoyed the weather with a smile on his face.

Your whole body trembled from how the frigid conditions impaled your skin. And he could feel it. The two of you were halfway through by now, but he stopped all of a sudden as he saw how quiet the street around you. There were no other people on sight, the only thing that you could see was the rice fields and the quiet neighbourhood.

He immediately let go of your hand and grabbed the groceries bag from you, arranging it under the tree that loomed near the meadows. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, wondering what exactly his plan was. When you exhale, you could see how a puff of air seems to evaporate, warning you about the cold temperature.

You really wanted to just run towards the shop. But at the same time, you wanted to know why your husband decided to stop midway. He walked back towards you with a giddy smile on his face, extending one of his hands for you to take.

That was when your mind clicked,

"Oh, sir. What a  _ good _ thing to do, eh? Asking for a dance in the downpour that could make  _ you _ sick?" You sounded very much disapproved of his plan, making his heart drop in an instant. That until you rested your hand on him, "Please do guide me, sir."

His smile became so much wider than before, the same old smile that always made your stomach churned with butterflies. He pulled your body closer to him, making you gasped as a soft chuckle slip from your lips. 

You put one hand on his back while the other still interlaced with him, locking together like there was a padlock keeping it there. His smile was so contagious that you didn't even realise you carried the exact same smile on your face.

"Now, that is the smile that I have been waiting for," He whispered softly, but with how close the two of you were, you could hear his voice loud and clear, "You pouted so much since the rain started. I am afraid there would be a wrinkles on your face tomorrow."

"Oh, come on!" You snorted at this, displaying your annoyed face. Despite all that, you still followed his movement anyway. Both of you stayed in the middle of the quiet road. Just two happy random people in the world, waltzing as the rain observing their every movement.

"You should have listened to me before and used the car." He spun you around before pulling you back once again to his embrace, "My gut feelings were good, you know?" You rolled your eyes when you could hear how smug he heard right now.

"Please, you were just too lazy and—" Your fingers pinched his stomach gently, giggling at his chubby tum, "—want to keep this~"

Red hues started to creep into his face, didn't expect you to call him out like that. After hours working behind the counter, he hadn't spent some time at the gym or done any workout. Hence the reason why there was now a bulge of dango (that was how you called it) on his stomach.

"Sorry, I will work out mo—"

"Hey, I don't care." You decided to circle both arms around his neck, resting your forehead on his as you try to replace the coldness that you felt with his warmth, "Either you had a dorito body or this dango-like tummy. I don't care." Your breath tickled his lips, "Because you are perfect already. At least to me~"

He chuckled at this, his heart swelled with the sudden confession that poured from your lips. You were not someone that constantly indulged him by saying sweet compliments. So when you gave him some praise or acknowledgement, he knew that it was all genuine, from the bottom of your heart.

The two of you stood there and swayed your hips softly, matching each other's beat like there was music blasting through your ears,

" _ I'm singing in the rain _ ," You whispered, trying to sing out the song that you remembered from your childhood, " _ Just singing in the rain." _ It was one of the old songs from a movie that your mother showed you, " _ What a glorious feeling, I am happy again! _ "

" _ I am laughing at clouds~ _ " He suddenly continued the song, making you giggle as he twirled you around, " _ So dark up above~ _ " His finger pointing at the dark sky, and you subconsciously looking up there, " _ The sun's in my heart, and I am ready for love. _ " Then he suddenly pulled your body closer to him, didn't leave any gap as his eyes bore to your face.

With just a simple act, he could erase all of the worried from your eyes. Forehead that was scrunched up earlier, was now relaxed as he had you here in his embrace. The smile that didn't even appear before now tugged permanently on your expression, replacing the once gloomy facade.

Both of you standing there, looking at each other's eyes like you and him were the only people on earth. Some people were running around looking for shelters, shaking their head when they saw the odd couple dancing in the rain. You were aware of their prying eyes, but you didn't give a damn about it.

He leaned in, wanting to capture your lips on his. And once you follow his movement, the two of you finally have no gap in between. Your eyes fluttered closed once his cold lips touched yours. The raindrops watched how the couple found happiness in the melancholy atmosphere.

Maybe it was because you were distracted, didn't remember about the stuff on the groceries bag that now would be damaged already.  _ No _ , it was not about distraction. But it was all about the existence of the man that currently poured his love for you.

He was just a normal human being, not a prince not even a conglomerate. Yet he could make you the happiest woman alive by just having his presence in your life. It was all about the company, him, your partner in life, that made every single breath that you take worth everything.

_ Achoo!  _ He sneezed all of a sudden, making you gasped as you looked at him with bewilderment in your eyes,

"Did you just sneeze  _ on _ me?!" You took a few steps backwards over this. He only gave you a sheepish smile, but that smile was enough to make you laugh anyway. You couldn't stay mad at him, one second and that was all it took, "Come on, let's get back to the shop."

You were now the one who led him through the heavy downpour that somehow didn't die down even after minutes you put on a show with your husband. With groceries in hand that were now fully soaked, the two of you walked slowly to the second home that he built together with you.

Unlike before when you despised the rain so much from ruining your groceries, you circled your arm around his. In the middle of it, sometimes you decided to dance playfully as you walked side by side with him, resulting in him to follow suit.

You couldn't feel the freezing temperature anymore as your skin occasionally made contact with your husband. He was enough to make you warm, even better than any pile of blankets or some hot cocoa that you made for your son before sleep.

Your eyes lit up when you could finally see the shop, and it didn't go unnoticed by him. Both of you sped up the pace subconsciously, somehow even when the two of you enjoyed the rain so much, you couldn't help but want to feel the real warmth.

"We are here!" You announced your arrival to everyone, and all of the employees and patrons were all freaking out when they saw the state the two of you were in right now, "Please, please, don't mind us! Oh, hello, Yumie-san! How is Shinsuke? Still busy?" You put the groceries in the kitchen after greeting all the patrons.

You and your husband excused yourself to the upper floor, needing to change all of the clothes that were now sticking all over the skin. Both of you decided to take a shower together so no one would be cold for too long. There was no lust in the room, just pure adoration and fondness as the two of you bathed in each other's warm.

He was currently lost in thought after shower, wearing the spare black t-shirt that he always had laying around on the little en suite, a getaway that he made for the two of you.

"Sit down," You stood behind him all of a sudden, he didn't ask why or anything and just comply with your words. The bed creaked a little when he sat, and it creaked even harder when you jumped up behind him with a towel in your hand.

His whole body relaxed the second he felt the soft fabric plopped on top of his head, followed by your hands as you massaged his scalp gently—drying his hair at the process. His eyes fluttered close, enjoying the affectionate gesture that you gave.

"How is the hairdryer?" He asked you with his low, calm voice, "I presume it couldn't be safe?"

"You bet it is." You chuckled a little, didn't feel any kind of sadness even when you just lost something that could benefit you in the future—cue when you woke up late or in a rush.

"I am glad," He leaned his body backwards, love to feel your warm torso. His statement made you raise one of your eyebrows in confusion, "I love to feel your hand on my hair like this, it soothes me."

A smile grazed your lips as you stopped your ministrations. With your hands, you tilted his head upwards a little. Your eyes met with his warm dark orbs, filled with love as it stared back at you. You leaned down your head closer to him, giving a small peck on his forehead.

"I love you, Samu." You gently set his hair aside from his face, wanting to see him more clearly now. A giddy smile tugged on his lips as the words rolled down from your tongue oh-so-smoothly.

"I love you too, dear. So much." His hand wandered gently on your arms, caressing it softly as he tells you how thankful he was to have you—just through the simple gesticulation, "Think we could do it again?"

"Hm? Do what?" You eyed him before you tilted his head back, continuing to dry his hair.

"Dancing in the rain? It was fun." He sounded like a small child at the moment, and you couldn't help but let out a small laugh, "Please? Look me in the eyes and say you didn't enjoy it, I bet you can't."

"Yeah, yeah, I enjoy it. A lot, actually." And it made you wonder why it took twenty-seven years for you to feel that, "But, you have to wear a raincoat the next time we do that."

"No…" He whined at this, and you pinched his cheek playfully, making him weep even further, "But it's no fun! We couldn't feel the water trickling down our skin!"

"Oh shush, or we could use an umbrella. To give some effects as we dance." He turned his body towards you before pulling you to his arms. His eyes bore at you with a mysterious look behind his pupils, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He didn't answer as he still made eye contact with you. His gaze looked so serious while yours looked confused. Then he chuckled all of a sudden,

"You looked so stupid!"

"I beg your pardon!"

It always ended up like this, the two of you bicker over the smallest things. You rested both hands on his shoulders, smacking him playfully as he somehow could turn a romantic atmosphere into chaos in a matter of seconds.

"Oh, by the way…" You trailed off, squeezing your hands on his arms. It made him fall silent as he could hear a serious tone in your voice.

"What is it?" He waited for you to say something, anything. To say that he was patient was the biggest lie of the century. Compared to his brother? Maybe, but both of the twins never once considered a patient one anyway. So it torture him when you just looked at him with an unreadable gaze, "(Y/n), what—"

"I am pregnant."

He blinked, once, twice, thrice. His mouth was now agape since he still tried to process your words, making sure it seeped into his brain, "Are you still breathing?"

"Hey!" He was too shocked over this. Then he remembered how you always ran first towards the bathroom first thing in the morning, or how you became picky over things that you eat. Or the most prominent one, was how you could be such an angel then possessed by satan in a blink of an eye.

"Yeah, right. Now, I don't want you to—" But before you could warn him about things that you don't want him to do, he shut you up with his lips — pressing it deep on yours. Your teeth clicked with his, making you gasped because of the slight pain that you got.

"Alright. First, I wouldn't allow you to lift some heavy groceries,"

"But, Samu—"

"And then, I will throw away all of the liquor in the house."

"Don't throw it away! Some were from our wedding!"

"Okay, I will just lock the stash." This was exactly what happened when you announced your first pregnancy with him. He wanted you to be as comfortable as ever, treated you like a queen, and overall just wanted the best things for you, "But something that crucial was… I forbid Atsumu to come to our house until our child acknowledges me as their dad."

"Hey, why? I thought he was a decent person to take care of our child when we were busy."

"Did you forget that it needed two years for our son to finally agree that I am his father instead of Atsumu?" Your husband was annoyed by it, and you couldn't help but cup his cheek with your hands, hoping that it calmed him down, "What? No matter what you say, I don't want to be called an imposter by my future child ever again. So I need to take the safest route."

"Alright, alright, you big baby." You caressed his cheeks with your thumb, tilting his head a little to face you. It was quite now as his hand went down towards your hips, stroking it gently.

"I know I have said it a million times already, but-" He whispered softly, grazing his lips on yours as a smile tugged on your lips, "I love you, and thank you for being here with me from the start."

It was quiet now as you rested your forehead on his. Funny how one man could impact your moods in many ways. You chose him all those years ago, and same as him as he decided to love and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

"I love you too, Miya Osamu," You shared another affectionate kiss with him, "And I swear I will be there too at the end of everything."

The rain never stops pouring down the roads and attacks the wooden roof on top of you. Yet, you and him acted like the frosty atmosphere didn't affect the tenderness and warmth that you two shared.

Because it didn't, not even in the slightest bit.

Because when you were with him, any kind of sorrow and dreadful atmosphere couldn't be felt. When you were with him, there was only warmth, and even when the raindrops impaled your skin, it would be nothing compared to the love that was radiated from the two of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I always have a soft spot for chubby!Samu (": I don't know but in my head, somewhere along the way there would be a time when he was so busy and don't have time to hit a proper gym. Or just him having a few lazy weeks. And I don't mind, for real I don't mind. It was like something real, more mundane, and I hold that headcanons dear in my heart.


	7. Wedding Band || Kuroo Tetsurou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I choose to stay back then, do you think we would have a chance?"

Your grip on the steering wheel tightened as you contemplated once again. 

Was it a good choice to come here? It had been such a long time since the last time you met up with your high school friends, of course, you wanted to meet them. But you remembered a conversation on the group chat three days ago — when your friend suddenly brought up a name.

A name that was long forgotten, buried deep inside your mind.

Was it seven? Eight? You didn't count anymore how many  _ years _ went by after graduation. After that fateful day where you decided to break it all off with him, you never once thought about him, feeling certain whatever choice you made was final and valid.

But somehow, you were not ready to meet him. It was not like you were still head over heels over that man, you didn't even bother to ask around how he was after you left, or what he was doing for his adulthood.

You  _ already _ moved on.

Yes, you were. Those were the words that you chanted at the back of your head. You unlocked the car and got out in a haste. Your fingers skimmed the wrinkles on your skirt, smoothing it up a little before checking your hair one more time, wanting to make sure you look decent.

_ You have no one to impress, you do this for yourself, honey. _

Blowing a kiss to your reflection on the window car, you smiled confidently before striding towards your high school's gymnasium, chin held high as you greeted whoever familiar faces that you remembered.

The second you walked inside the area, you felt a sudden blow of nostalgia knitting it's way back to your heart. You remembered how you tended to be here, sitting on the bench as you cheered your former lover every time he had a practice.

You even remembered the things that happened inside the locker room when everyone already went home. A little rendezvous filled with heavy pants and teeth clashing to each other — such hormonal teenagers, the two of you used to be.

Shaking your head, you decided to look around, wanting to see your friends that you only met daily through a video call. They were all screaming when they knew you were coming back, that you finally would live in Japan again after such a long time embarking on a journey in a foreign country.

It was such a miracle really, that you somehow could get a scholarship in one of the coldest countries in the world. You were not the smartest student on Nekoma before, but you applied anyway, filling all the requirements and wished for the best.

Three months later and you got a mail from the benefactor, you were so happy that you could make your parents proud, jumping throughout your house as you shouted that you were in, happy tears cascading down your cheek when you called your boyfriend with excitement lingering on your voice, telling him that you were one step closer to your dream.

And you still remembered how your smile faltered the second you heard his answer. 

" _ Oh, congratulations _ ."

Him and his unusual tone that was fall flat, hanging up the call before you could answer some more.

You knew it was the right thing to break things off. From the very first start, he didn't want to try. Ever since then your relationship with him was like leaves in autumn, waiting for the wind to make it fall to the ground.

And the graduation day was the time when the wind finally knocked things off.

Shaking your head, you flicked your own forehead not to let your mind wander, focusing on the task of finding your group of friends.

Your feet brought you to a bar that the committee set up right under the basketball ring. A familiar dark brown hair that belonged to your friend moved slightly as she gulped down a shot down her throat.

Always a heavy drinker, that friend of yours.

"Honey-pie!" She screeched the second she had a proper look at you. Her breath already reeked with alcohol, making you chuckle in amusement with how wasted she was (even though the reunion just started less than an hour ago). "Goodness, my dear! Look at you!"

She slurred a little, your other friends praising you and made your presence to be showcased with a spotlight. It didn't take long for the others coming around, asking how life was, how it was to move overseas, or even how many flings you had for around seven years in another nation.

"Oh, please, you know I am not like  _ that _ ." You hummed in delight after sipping a glass of cocktail that the bartender made for you. "I am a very loyal woman, never prancing around once my heart’s set for someone."

"Ah, a certain former captain?" Your drunk friend retorted, making you flinch a little as you understood her reference. Another one of your friends (who was the mature, and completely sober one) nudged her hips. " _ Fuck _ , sorry, forget I said anything."

You didn't know if it was because of the alcohol or the way his name was mentioned that your throat suddenly felt so dry.  _ It was the alcohol _ , you reassured yourself, feeling certain nothing was going on inside your heart.

"I-I need a breather." So why did you run away? You couldn't understand yourself too sometimes as you drank the cocktail down your throat and left the scene.

It was immature for you to do that, you didn't mean to make your friend feel guilty. And you could only hope that they would understand, that whatever state you were in right now was solely because of yourself, no one else was at fault except you.

You ran outside from the back exit, catching your breath as you felt like you wanted to throw up. Running with alcohol in your blood and a full digestive system was a bad idea.

"Long night?"

And somehow a voice that slipped in your ear triggered it all.

He was frantic when you suddenly threw up, making him run back inside the gym to grab you a glass of water. This was not the reunion that  _ he _ thought he would have.

With you still gagging out some alcohol, forcing it out of your stomach, you felt a familiar hand resting on your back. Gentle palm went up and down on the surface of your shirt, trying to ease you from another urge of nausea.

Funny how he was probably the main reason why you threw up in the first place, yet the reason why you calmed down too.

You straightened your posture as you felt that you were alright. He immediately retracted his hand away, stepping aside a little to give you some space. This was not the reunion that  _ you _ thought you would have.

There was no intention for you to talk to him. It was clear that he wanted nothing to do with you when you never received any messages from him. You tried to reach out, once when you came home for a few days, but he never answered back, he never let you in again.

"Goodness." You muttered softly, calming down your heartbeat while taking a few deep breaths before finally dared to take a look at him. "Thank you, Kuroo."

He grimaced a little, making you raise one of your eyebrows in confusion. Was he feeling that cringe when you called his name? Should you just not acknowledge him at all? You pondered as you waited for his response, a few seconds felt like an eternity.

"That feels strange." His hand went to the back of his head, sighing as he fixed his composure.

"Huh? What strange?"

"You called me by my last name." His words made you wonder, making a pout to slip on your face. "I know it's been years,"  _ and 'us' was long gone.  _ "But it's still strange, you know?"

You blinked, didn't expect him to casually act buddy-buddy with you. Shouldn't you be angry that he acted like you were still friends? Where was he when you tried to reach out, he was never there. And he had the audacity to make you feel that you were still in high school all over again.

"O—kay…" But you shrugged off the feeling, trailing your words as you bit your lips before the both of you fell to an awkward silence.

Awkward was something that never existed when the two of you were together. At least it never did before, and you were not surprised it was here right now. This was how it was supposed to be, right?

When two former lovers see each other after cutting ties for years, the awkwardness was normal. You wanted to just run away, get back to your friend, or go anywhere since you thought other places were better as long as you were not with him alone.

But as you were deep in thought, you didn't know when he took off his blazer. You were too busy thinking of an escape plan that you didn't realise it until the blazer was weighing on your shoulder, resting there to shield you from the night breeze.

This was unfair.

The way he dropped his blazer without thinking, tugging it on your shoulder, and patted your back before pulling away once again,

He was being unfair to your heart.

"W-what—"

"How was America? You were in California, right?" He asked nonchalantly as if he didn't just give you his blazer to warm you up. "Heard it was kinda freezing if it was not summer, and I know you are someone who couldn't handle cold."

You subconsciously gripped on his blazer, sniffling the familiar scent that even now — still made you feel at home.

"Yeah, it was cold most of the time." Chuckling, you tried to just enjoy the moment. Finally surrendering to the position you were in right now. "But it was alright, I have a heater in the dorm. So it's fine! I love them, though. The cafe, the people that I met... Oh, I think you know this one person—"

The night wasn't supposed to be like this. You chat with your former boyfriend, catching up on all the years that went by as if there was never a huge gap separating you and the black-haired man.

It was so easy, all the words and laughs poured like a broken dam. Inching closer and closer, not even one realised that the two feet gap now turned into none — as your shoulder brushed with his, and both of you just let everything unfold.

_ Maybe _ if he leaned in, you would do the same.

"I didn't expect you here, to be honest." The laugh that you shared had now died down. "You moved overseas, and I am pretty sure you wouldn't come back." His voice sounded so restrained as he just looked forward, didn't glance at you that was standing right beside him.

You eyed him carefully, swallowing a huge lump as you could feel all the longing feelings started to come back to the surface. You couldn't, you couldn't let it happen. The reunion was to have fun, not to rekindle the love that could never work.

But it was already happening, right now, even maybe since he had his palm on your back to calm you down.

"Yet, you came back." The restrain on his voice now changed, turned into a melancholic tone. "It took you eight years. Eight years was actually not a long time when I think about it." You knew you should have bid farewell right now.

_ Now _ , before the dam breaks completely and couldn't be mended anymore.

"I should have waited for you, you know?"  _ No, no.  _ "Eight years was nothing when it came to someone who's in love."

You took a step backward, making him let out a sigh as he knew that he was reaching out for something that was never there.  _ Hope _ , a second chance. Yet he said it, digging his mindless dream that maybe there could be something. Maybe not now, maybe someday.

What he said was something that he should have buried, knowing the circumstances.

But he didn't regret it. As he turned his head to face you once again, even though you were standing one foot apart from him with eyes that screamed  _ how dare you _ , he could see how at the same time you wanted to run up to him, circling your arms around his neck to crash your lips on his.

He knew, he could see it because it was the same look that you gave to him all those years ago when you and he were just young, stupid, teenagers.

"Tetsurou, I—"

"Hey, (Y/n)!"

Both of you jolted when a familiar voice of your friend rang from the door. It was all gone in an instant; the magic, the love that aired once again before, it dissipated into thin air. And neither you and he were ready to come back to reality.

But maybe it was for the best.

It was for the best.

"Sorry if I disturbed you, but hey, Kuroo! I am gonna steal her for a sec, a photo group!" You chuckled softly at how your friend flailed her arms, begging you to join her. "I will run back inside to inform them that you are in!"

She was like a firework, reminding you of Kuroo's best friend from another school. One that you remembered was now a professional volleyball player.

"I-I will go back inside." You said softly under your breath, averting your gaze as you took off the blazer that still wrapped around you. So slow as you wanted the warmth to last. "See you around, Kuroo."

It was back to square one as you gave back the black fabric. Clutching on it a little too tight before bowing your head to give some respect. This was for the best, either you or he knew that. So he didn't stop you, he didn't stop you from slipping away once again, knowing for sure that there was no way you would come back to his arms — not after what he did.

But he didn't expect you to turn around once again, facing him as you played with the bag strap on your chest. He let out a small chuckle under his breath, knowing how you didn't change at all, always playing with your bag strap or clothes when you were nervous.

He stood there in silence, wondering what you were going to say as he wore his blazer again. Fixing up the button slowly as he waited. You finally parted your lips, closing them before opening up once again, eyes locked with his.

"If I choose to stay back then, do you think we would have a chance?"

The question knocked the air out of his lungs. Of course, of course, you and he would have a chance. It would be so much easier, he would go to your university every now and then, catching up would be so easy, it would last, the relationship that you have with him since the first year of high school would—

"Maybe, maybe yes and maybe not." He shut his heart, using his head to answer your question instead. "We will never know, I guess. It wouldn't happen, so don't dwell too much with it, okay?"

He said it for you, and for himself.

Both of you were an adult now. Not everything could be changed by  _ I love you _ anymore. It was the real world, no one could go back to the past as much as they wanted to. And his firm answer made you smile, slowly locking the memory with him back to the deepest part of your heart, in hope that you wouldn't have to find it ever again.

"Then," You cleared your throat, smiling so wide as if you didn't just ignore the love that you harboured towards the man in front of you. "Farewell, Kuroo."

And he nodded, giving you a salute. As if he didn't just shed a tear (one that he immediately erased with his thumb subtly) as he knew it was a farewell to his first love. No, to his  _ love _ .

Both of you just stood there in silence, neither of you willing to avert each other. He tried to remember this, painting the moment to keep forever. How you smiled for him —  _ just for him _ — how it never changed even after years went by.

And you, you noted how much he had grown. That life sculpted him to where he was right now. He lived a happy life, he stayed in the volleyball world, his passion. He was successful, this was something that you wanted to believe was enough for you.

Your eyes met with his, smiling there like an idiot, capturing the moment one last time — before both pairs of orbs fell to the  _ left _ hand of each other. The two of you met with a truth, a reminder that life must go on, even though sometimes it was led in the unwanted direction.

Such a simple warning, mute, and stayed still.

Yours was  _ silver _ , and he was  _ gold _ .

"Farewell, Iwaizumi."


	8. Golden || Miya Atsumu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look so pretty with gold.”

"Am I late?"

You panted hard as your eyes darted to the television that Osamu had set up in his shop, pouting when you realised you missed the first two sets of the match. Pulling a chair out for you to sit down, Kita poured a glass of water on the table, leaving you to catch a breather as he let you rest after a long day at work.

Yes, work. If it was not because of your work, you would be there right now. Calling out your boyfriend's name at the top of your lungs every time he hit yet another service ace, or maybe after he gave some of those nasty monster generations a perfect set.

If only adulthood wasn't a bitch, you would be there for him, right there sitting in the VIP section, supporting the passion that he loved more than anything in the world (except you, everyone knew he loved you just the same, and maybe even more by the slightest bit).

You let out an exasperated sigh, taking off the blazer around you and setting it down on your lap, grabbing the water that Kita prepared for you before and gulping it down in an elegant manner. Though the entire time, you did not move your eyes away from the screen. Not when he, the love of your life, was out there chasing his love and dream.

You couldn't help but yell out a yes! or that's my boy! every time the commentator acted so surprised over his skills. You didn't realise everyone had their eyes on you, smiling softly at how your presence there was like a bridge to how exactly it felt on the court right now.

The way you shouted, slamming a fist on the table, the cheer that was being babbled non-stop from your lips — it was as if they were all there, sitting on the front seat to support their former teammates. Not just Atsumu, but also Ojiro and Suna (and somehow you were sure that it would only take time until Japan finally saw Riseki's skill too).

You were so expressive every time you watched a match where your high school friends were playing. And you remembered that one time that EJP Raijin, Suna's team, had to meet with Black Jackals, Atsumu's team. The tension was there, both players knew each other like the back of their hand. No one was on the upper hand, they were all equal, and once again, the only thing that could help them win was speed.

And that time, Jackals was just a tiny bit faster than the former.

There was something about Miya Atsumu that made you feel so drawn the second you saw him on the court. You tended to come early whenever they had a practice match with another school, wanting to know how much of a powerhouse the team was, how these legendary twins were playing for them all.

It started with just a few simple steps towards the back of the court, volleyball in his hand and eyes fixated on a space in front of him as his mind focused on the game. Following a whistle from the umpire, with his chin held high, he tossed the ball to the sky.

That, that was mesmerizing. Brown orbs that looked golden gleamed under the bright light of the gymnasium as he spiked the ball with all his force, and didn't even let the other school take a proper breath as the ball landed on their side of the court.

You couldn't stop your body from moving, your feet wobbling a little as you stood there on the stands. You were starstruck by the aura that radiated from the setter who was currently high-fiving his twin, with a satisfied smile plastered on his face. Such a simple thing, happiness was.

And it was contagious, everything about him was contagious as your heart stirred. Not out of love (at least at that moment, not yet), but because of the passion in his eyes, the utmost will of putting up one hundred and twenty percent on the court, in something that he loved.

Volleyball was not just a mere hobby for that man and you could see it, and you admired it. Noting inside your heart that he was the epitome of love and dreams. You called it cliche, but it was something that was long buried in your heart. And to feel it again, even though it was from another person — you didn't want to let it go away.

You gasped as the score was tied between Japan and Argentina. Either side kept breaking each other's chance for winning. Toss by toss, another dig, another spike. Faster, you prayed. Atsumu, faster. 

He did it again, it happened in slow motion as he stretched down, making sure that he could use all of his ten fingers before tossing the ball. Everyone was sure that with that position, he was going to throw it to Hinata Shouyou.

But everyone in the same room as you knew exactly what he was trying to do. With a smirk plastered on all of your faces, the ball came to Ojiro, and the umpire blew their whistle as it was assured that the ball was in.

This, this was another moment of joy that you would always feel. Everyone was cheering in the background, you could feel Kita squeezing your shoulders, and then followed by Osamu and Ginjima pulled you into a tight hug. You felt it in every fiber of your body, the satisfying win, as your lover and the man that you respected so much brought Japan to win the gold medal.

No matter how far apart you were from him, such a thing didn't matter, as somehow, he pulled you there to where he was standing right now. He pulled you there and embraced you until you felt that his win was yours too. That his accomplishment — was something that he shared with you.

_"I am gonna go pro." You hummed softly as you let your fingers run through his now blonde hair, the golden-yellow colour worn out due to the many times he took a shower. "Gonna prove to Samu that I am gonna be the happiest man alive."_

_There was bitterness on his voice, and you couldn't help but chuckle at the man who was now laying his head on your thighs, a little bit sleepy yet still annoyed after another quarrel that he had with his younger brother._

_Though the topic right now was something that hit a lot deeper than any other problem that they ever encountered. It involved a dream, something that Atsumu held dear, something that he thought he would share with his brother until both of them were on their deathbeds._

_Your boyfriend told you so many times about the plan that he had. How he and Osamu would take on the world, that they would be on the same court together, traveling around the world as he promised that on every medal he got, it was meant to be shared with each other._

_You didn't ask him what happened when he suddenly dragged you to the rooftop during lunchtime, not caring about how yours and his teacher were probably shaking their heads, knowing two students were not there inside the class. But school be damned at the moment, just this once, you hoped that the teacher would let it slide._

_He pulled you to sit on the ground before he laid his head on your thigh. Silence engulfed you for a second before he suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face on your stomach before shouting and saying shit about his brother, frustration and pent-up anger that led him to a sobbing mess after a few minutes acting so tough._

_And ever since, you never stopped caressing his hair, humming softly to calm him down as you tried to bend down a little, kissing his temple and whispering to him that it was alright to cry, thus the only sign he needed before wetting your uniform with his tears and snot._

_"Are ya going to leave me too?" His question caught you off guard, making you stop your affection for a second. "It's alright, I am not going to be surprised or judge ya. If ya want to leave me that's fine. Even someone that I share a womb with left me, it just a matter of time that you—"_

_"Whoa, whoa there." You cut him off, pinching his cheek hardly that he cried out. "No one left you, Osamu will always be there, Kita-san and the others will always be there for you. Who said anything about someone leaving you? It's just in your mind, got it?" Flicking his forehead afterward, he was now groaning and covered his whole face with his hands._

_"Samu left! He left me alone and walked away from me! From the dream that we shared since, since childhood!" Even if his voice was muffled, you could understand his words. "And you will too," But then he pulled his hand away from his face, staring at you with a melancholic look on his face. "Right? You will get tired watching me serve, you will get tired that I spent most of my time on the court, and someday you will leave too."_

_You shook your head, closing your eyes as you started to move your fingers once again, playing with the strands of his hair as you tried to form the right word that was understandable enough for your one brain-celled boyfriend._

_"Just because Osamu wanted to do something else in his life, doesn't mean that he left you, 'Tsumu." You whispered out, waiting for a retort. But when there was none, you decided to continue. "Everyone has their own dream, you know that, right?" He nodded. "And just because the path is different, that doesn't mean the both of you have to be apart from each other."_

_He listened in, trying to process your words and let them sink in inside his head. "And you owe him an apology, you know?" Atsumu cringed when he heard the deadpan tone in your voice. "It must be hard for him too, he knew you, 'Tsumu, so you better fix things up with him, okay?"_

_Atsumu grumbled under his breath, saying things about how he wouldn't do that, how that was such a pain in the ass — but at the end, he was silent. And you knew that means he would take your advice. You could only hope that the apology didn't turn into yet another fight._

_"But you haven't answered my other question." He pouted, grabbing your free hand and pulled it to his chest, interlacing it with his. "Someday you would go tired of — of me, right?"_

_The question made you chuckle, and he was a little offended that he thought you didn't take it seriously since he was at a breaking point to even think that you were going to leave. "Hey! I am serious—"_

_You shut him up again. But not with words, not with a gentle tug or a finger in front of him. You just captured those adorable lips that were shaped in a pout before, smiling softly as you kissed him, widening as you felt him kiss you back._

_The kiss lasted for a few seconds, not even once breaking it as either you or he started to get lost in the kiss. He held your hand tighter, as if he was afraid that you would be gone if he let go. His kiss was full of desperation, wanting to feel it forever._

_"It’s like a kiss, when I think about it." You panted hard the second you pulled away from him, catching some air. "A couple can be apart from each other. Days, weeks, but at the end of the day, both knew whose lips they longed for the most." He listened in, mind still too clouded with excitement and mixed feelings._

_You pecked his cheek one more time, caressing the soft skin where you pinched him earlier. You loved it every time his eyes shone under bright light, brown turned to gold, mesmerizing you, even more, each day. "And mine would be your lips, 'Tsumu, no matter where I am, no matter if you are so far from me. It would always be you."_

_"But what if—" He trailed off, thinking. "What if you come with me?"_

Atsumu was giddy, he wanted to just slam the door open and scream at the top of his lungs to ask if you had watched him today or not. He loved that from you, a simple praise, a simple I am so proud of you! felt so much heavier and meaningful if it slipped from your lips. It was the reason why he took the midnight plane.

But he was aware at the same time, he knew you must be so tired after work. Perhaps sleeping with his spare jersey wrapped around your figure as you cuddled with a pillow, blankets covering your whole body. So he turned the key with so much patience, wincing on every sound that he heard, afraid that he would wake you up.

The hallway and living room were so bright. Though, from the orange hues that spread around the room, he knew it wasn't from the lamp. But instead, it was from the fireplace that you asked him to install in the living room. One that he thought you forgot to put out.

He dropped his belongings on the kitchen island, stretching his body as he yawned, tiredness started to consume him after so much adrenaline pumped in his blood the whole day. He needed to put out the fire first though. And with only his duffel bag in hand, he walked out silently to the living room, searching for the tools to put it out.

What he never thought to find was you, you with the sleeping attire as he’d imagined you in, with arms wrapping around a big pillow, a blanket covering your body yet almost falling off from the tight space of the couch.

Well, Miya Atsumu didn't expect to find his girlfriend sleeping so soundly in the living room.

His gaze softened before he sat down on the floor right in front of your face, admiring your lashes, and how peaceful you looked. Not thinking about work, not stressing out about clients — nothing, nothing but hopefully a good dream.

You muttered in your sleep, and even though there was drool sliding from your lips, you still looked so adorable as you called out his name in your sleep. No, not in an erotic way like when you were under him. But a soft, longing tone that tumbled every time he was away for quite a long time.

His fingers gracefully tugged the hair that fell on your face right behind your ear, making sure that he didn't startle you. At one point he would need to wake you up though, but he would take his time with that, gently caressing your face until you stirred and scrunched your face.

Your nose would usually move around every time you started to wake up, followed by how your lashes fluttered softly until half-lidded eyes stared at the familiar brown orbs that belonged to your boyfriend. 

Both of you didn't say a word, just smiling to each other before your hand slowly reached out to him, making sure that he was real by twirling the end of his hair.

"You are so cool out there." Your voice was raspy, yet weighed with so much love. “That last toss for Aran-kun?” You chuckled softly before grabbing his hand to your lips. “Perfection, just like always. One hundred percent, and even more.”

Atsumu smiled softly, kissing your forehead before helping you to stand up. He immediately plopped himself down the couch, still warm from how you slept there for hours. Without warning, his arm immediately wrapped around your waist, pulling you to his lap before nuzzling at the crook of your neck.

“‘Tsumu~!” You giggled as his hair tickled your sensitive skin. “Come on now, baby. You should change and rest, we can cuddle on our bed after that.” You tried to bargain, but he didn’t budge, insisting to stay like that for a while.

You could feel how there was still some excitement radiating from his body. The joy that he felt inside his heart, reverberated in his chest. You let out a sigh of relief, deciding to give in. After all, he just won a gold medal at the Olympics, this was just the start of a few days filled with celebration.

“By the way,” He pulled away, though one of his arms still circled around your waist. “I got something for you.” There was a cheeky smile on his face, one that made you raise your eyebrows, a little bit cautious now.

“You didn’t buy some kinky shit when you were in Tokyo, right?” Your accusation made him choke on air, he didn’t expect you to think he would do something like that without your permission (though with how you have been with him for ten years, he knew he could pull something like that).

“Babe, no, oh my God.” He groaned, though he couldn’t hide how flustered he was from your question, proved by how the tips of his ear turned red. “Here, this is for you.”

What you didn’t expect as he slipped his hand to the duffel bag was for him to pull the gold medal that he won. You were starstruck, eyes unable to leave the glimmering colour of gold that reminded you of his beautiful orbs. Your fingers grazed the surface, so smooth even though some intricacies could be felt on your fingertips.

He looked so amused at how sweet you looked at the moment, admiring the proof that he won the Olympics at the age of twenty-seven. One win that he shared with his best friend, his favourite childhood friend, and one that he would share for you, his love.

“Ever since you came, I don’t win just for myself you know,” Atsumu whispered huskily. “And this, this one's for you.” He kissed your cheek as you still stared at him with the same starstruck look on your face. “Because what belongs to me, belongs to you too.”

You gulped down, mind unable to function properly with the confession that your boyfriend made just now. Atsumu wasn’t really romantic, both of you mostly just loved to tease each other with some innuendos here and there. So to hear him say the words so earnestly, to hear him whisper with such honesty, you couldn’t help but tear up a little.

“Hey, now.” He cooed at you, chuckling a little before grabbing the medal in your hand. “Come on, I already wore it before, it’s your time now.” You didn’t trust your voice, so you let him put the white ribbon around your neck, letting the gold medal fall right on your chest.

There was only silence after that. His orbs pierced into you with a look that you couldn’t understand. You wanted to say something, maybe another congratulation since you haven’t given him a proper one before. But before you could say anything, he beat you to it.

“You look so pretty with gold.”

It was just a simple compliment, totally unexpected, yet it didn’t stop your heart from beating a lot faster as he held your gaze. You decided to roll your eyes, trying to coat your bashfulness with some joke and teasing tone instead.

“Bah, ‘Tsumu. You always love to flirt with every chance that you got, huh?”

But he didn’t falter, his brown orbs that shone with a golden hue from the fireplace never left yours. He took your hand on his lap, caressing the back of it with his thumb. You could feel how he gently caressed one particular finger, your ring finger.

“How about the colour of gold around here?”

Your breath hitched as a moment passed, his finger was still there, tracing the empty ring finger as if there was already a gold band around it. “It will complement your finger, maybe with a little diamond in the middle? You don’t like that big shit weighing you down, right?”

He waited for any answer, sweats actually trickling down his forehead as he wanted to know if you had the same way of thinking. Atsumu was afraid, to be honest. He was afraid that that path wasn’t what you wanted, he was afraid that maybe you weren’t ready, that maybe you didn’t want to be with him.

You pulled your hand away, and for a split second, he was this close to death as he felt like someone just knocked the air out of his lungs.

But as fast as you pulled yourself away from him, you wrapped both of your arms around his neck — sobbing, cursing, as you couldn’t believe that after ten years of a steady relationship with him, he finally asked.

Miya Atsumu finally asked for your hand in marriage.

“Yes!” You choked out a sob, making him that was dumbstruck before, immediately pulled you closer to his embrace. “Yes, yes, ‘Tsumu, yes.”

He cupped your face, resting his forehead on his before he surged forward, capturing your plump lips with his. It was salty, your taste, due to the tears that never stopped.

You remembered back then when you were so afraid of leaving your hometown. You couldn’t even dare to branch yourself away from your root. Afraid that you wouldn’t make it, afraid that someday he would find someone worthy of his attention, that someday you wouldn’t be the one whose lips he longed the most.

But maybe it was the moment, maybe it was time for you to finally follow what your heart desired from the start.

_“What if you come with me?”_

“Let me come with you.”

You whispered softly in between kisses, a hum slipped from his lips as his mind was still hazy with the joy and the endless affection that he had. “‘Tsumu.” You called out, pulling away a little as you wanted him to hear you out. “I want to come with you.”

His eyes widened from your confession, mind finally registered the meaning behind your words. He had been asking you to follow him anywhere as he traveled around Japan, sometimes even away in another country. But you always refused, and after so many times being rejected, he never asked for it again.

But now, you finally answered. The answer that he had wanted to hear ever since that time on the rooftop. This was what he had been waiting for. And for you to finally ask for it, for you to finally be there on every step of the way that he took,

This was more than a dream come true.

“Y-You sure?” His voice cracked a little, palms cupping both of your cheeks as he searched into your eyes for some assurance. It was there, he didn’t need to search for it anymore because your orbs gleamed with certainty, believe, and love that shone only for him. “God, you are sure.”

He pulled you back to his embrace, so tight that you almost lost the ability to breathe. Yet you were alright with that, you let him hug you close even if he could do it again and again in another time, you let him kiss your face and lips even if he could do it every night. And you let him wet your shirt with his tears, ready to be the anchor of his life for every single step that he took — emotionally, physically.

You were not the only one who saw the colour of gold every time you were with him. He was too — always saw it in every movement that you made. Either you were there to help him pack the clothes for an away game, or just having your arms around him, eyes locked with him without words being said.

Within you, he saw gold. The most beautiful colour that he ever saw. With you, the brightest colour immediately filled his vision, seeping into his heart every time you served your smile just for him.

In his dream there were lights, too many to count, dancing on an ocean too vast to envisage. He could hear all the cheers and compliments, he could hear the jeers and the boos that came along the way.

Though he couldn’t care less about it all. Even when he was at the top, it wouldn't be complete if he didn't have you to be there. Because in the end, you were the colour of gold in his eyes, you were like a gold medal that he won just now, maybe, even way more.

But instead of winning an Olympic, instead of winning another world tournament,

When he had you, he won everything in life.

When he had you, he already won this lifetime.

And with the two of you there, hands interlocked and lips molded into each other — everything was golden.


	9. Who Needs Memories || Miya Osamu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things would never be the same, no matter how much we want it to be.

"Why did you stay?"

Osamu stopped what he had been doing for the last couple of minutes, the bubbling curry being the only thing that he could hear at the moment. He swallowed down a huge lump, turning off the stove before finally facing you.

It was the same question all over again, it was always around this time of day, right before lunchtime. Sadly, no matter how many times he had answered this question, it still clenched his heart that you would even think about him leaving you.

Leaving you just because of the miniscule details that made you incomplete.

"I stay because I want to," _No_ , from the very first moment he knew it was more than that. He had been craving for you, for your attention, for your love, "I stay because my heart beats for you."

Then you would sob, it needed three seconds for you to sink the information deep inside your conscious mind. He counted it all every time this event occurred; it wouldn't take long for you to embrace him, staining his shirt with your tears.

How about him? He would wrap his arms around you, assuring you that he was there, never once having the thought to abandon the love that had lasted for years, not even once. The bond that you two created, the love that the two of you gave to each other, and the memories both of you relished for eternity.

Ah, _yes_ , the reminiscences.

It was something that you held dear to your heart, something that you lived for; you woke up every morning, remembering every detail that you shared with the man you called your husband. Memories were the essence of life; because without it, you were not going to be here right now, falling into his embrace.

Your high school was known for its iconic motto: _We don't need the memories_. Truthfully, you never liked that phrase. For you, without the memories, without the process, then everything that you did would be all for nothing. Regardless of how good the results are.

One thing you know for sure, you would be _nothing_ without those memories.

_The first thing that you felt when you woke up was how his arms wrapped gently around your figure. His breath_ _tickled_ _your nape, making your whole body_ _shudder_ _by how warm the hot air from his lips_ _nipped at_ _your skin._

_A white blanket covered both of your bodies, protecting the two of you from any unwanted cold that might strike at night. You opened up your eyes, gaze falling to the bedroom door. From that fact, you frowned._

_You wanted to see him, to see how peaceful he looked when he was asleep. So carefully, you turned your body towards him, biting your lips so you_ _wouldn't_ _emit any sound. He_ _was_ _not a_ _really_ _heavy sleeper, so you_ _needed_ _to be extra careful._

_"Why yer face look funny?" You jolted when he suddenly parted his lips. He was wide awake, eyes staring deep into yours with a mischievous glint_ _in_ _his_ _irises_ _, "Don't want to wake me up, huh?"_

_You pouted before punching his chest in a playful manner, making your husband chuckle. His morning voice made your stomach tingle, and he knew damn well about it. He cupped your face lovingly, grazing his thumb on your cheek while his orbs never left your face_ _for a split second_ _._

_It was this peaceful moment, some snippets of_ _recollections_ _that you would imprint inside your mind. You, waking up next to him every morning. Him, looking at you as if you were born in this world bestowed only for his soul._

_He leaned in, capturing your lips_ _tenderly_ _. The_ _subtle_ _gesture made your heart to pulsate, but at the same time, it made you feel safe. The kiss that you two shared was mostly soft, coruscated with some flickers here and there, but never too much._

_His lips moved slowly, nibbling your bottom_ _lip_ _just to tease you. You_ _were_ _his everything, the women who_ _kept_ _him sane in this world. The one person he had spent half of his life with, and the only one who he wanted to spend_ _the rest of his_ _future together._

_Once he was satisfied, he pulled away, oh so_ _tenderly_ _that sometimes it made you crave for more. He_ _stole a glimpse at_ _your face once again, smiling while you_ _pecked_ _the palm of his hand_ _, leaving_ _some feverish kiss that tingled his skin._

_"You do know what day it is, right?" You smiled at him, a teasing tone sounded so obvious from your voice, "I mean..." Your fingers trailed on the side of his arms, "I know you have been waiting for this day..."_

_He snorted from your_ _suggestive_ _remarks, and he decided to just wrap his arms around your waist_ _and_ _put you on top of him. The_ _unexpected_ _gesture made you squeal as you_ _steadied_ _yourself. The sunlight that was peeking from the curtain adorned your figure, and that's when he took note inside his mind,_

_Miya Osamu felt like he was in nirvana,_ _grateful that_ _all the days in the future would be spent with you_ _by his side_ _. It would last forever to become_ _an anecdote_ _that would be_ _narrated_ _. At least, at least for him._

_"I don't know, I forget what day is it," With a bored voice, he tried to tease you_ _in return_ _, "Is it important? Should I know about this?" Just like what he predicted, you pouted and pinched his cheek, hard._

_"Seriously, Samu, I wouldn't let you touch—"_

_"It's our honeymoon!" He answered immediately, knowing for sure you could be so stubborn if you_ _have_ _already_ _had your mind fixated on something_ _, "It's our honeymoon..." He repeated with a_ _soothing_ _voice this time._

_He still felt like_ _everything was_ _a dream. To finally call you his wife, to know that you would be his first good morning and the last good night. Every. Single. Day. It was his goal from the start once he dated you, to have you in his arms someday,_ _to take his last name and become a_ _Miya._

_A smile appeared on your face;_ _it was a_ _genuine one, the_ _contagious beam_ _that made him fall for you all over again. You leaned down, pressing your forehead on top of his, the blissful expression never once changed. He soaked all of this deep_ _into_ _his mind, the first morning after the wedding, with you looking so lovely in his embrace._

_"Ready to make some new memories?" Your voice sounded like a whisper, tickling his ears as he_ _sucked in_ _a deep breath, still couldn't believe that you were finally his._

_"As ready as I'll ever be, doll."_

_Once again, he pulled you into a sweet kiss. The lingering smile never_ _left_ _your lips even when the two of you shared your love through beautiful physical contact. Getting lost to each other, remembering the scent, the light, and the feelings that burned._

_Little did he realize_ _at the moment, that his life would change forever._

He looked at you with a troubled gaze. You looked so peaceful, sleeping in his arms like you lived your life without a burden. Maybe that was true, you really lived such a happy life.

You would get up every morning with him by your side, the two of you would have a long morning spent in bed, then you would help around with Onigiri Miya, following him around for the entire afternoon, and ended up cuddling in bed to mark the end of the day. Everything seemed perfect. Everything was on _repeat_.

It was a great thing to have healthy habits that he kept in his life. That included having you there with him. Though, can it be called a healthy one if he would wake up every morning, with fear creeping at the back of his mind? Afraid that once again, he needed to explain _everything_ to you.

His family was worried for him, to be with someone like you meant that his life could never be easy. But then again, he already set his vow when he slipped the platinum wedding band onto your finger. So one thing that he knew for sure, he wouldn't back down, not even when his life was filled with nothing other than anxiousness every time he opened up his eyes in the morning.

"Samu...?" Your voice snapped him away from his daydream. He blinked, wasn't expecting you to wake up suddenly when the room was still dark, "Something bothering you, baby?"

He let out a long sigh, it was something that rarely happened. You were not someone who could wake up so easily when the sun was not up yet, something that he had noticed since the two of you started to have a sleepover at each other's house during your high school days.

It was not the time yet, no. The two of you would wake up at almost the same time in the morning, maybe around seven o'clock. So when he looked at the clock on the wall and found out it was still three hours too early, he didn't know what he should say.

Because if he used the wrong words, it could shatter the rest of the day.

"It was nothing, doll." He leaned in to kiss your forehead, his lips lingering there for a few seconds, "It was nothing that you should be worried about." He didn't want you to feel the burden, he knew your mind was already filled with guilt _—_ if it was not reset yet. So what was the point of pointing out he was in sorrow because of _you?_

But you didn't just meet him yesterday, you knew when he hid something from you. Mostly it was how he bit his lower lip before he parted them, or it could be how he averted his gaze to the right occasionally when he spoke. It was all the minor details, and from how his lips touched your forehead longer than usual, you knew it was bugging on his mind for a while now.

"Hey," You propped one of your elbows to elevate your gaze, "You do know I am here for you through thick and thin, right?"

Ah, there you go again, making his heart wrench because it was the same thing that you would say every single day. Every time he was in pain, you would always remind him that he was not alone, that you were there for him, forever and always. Something, that even your unconscious mind could never forget.

"I know," His voice sounded hoarse as he responded, "I just don't want you to get hurt all over again, my love." The nickname, it was the nickname that made you know for sure something was creeping inside his heart like a disease. He only used that nickname to you if he felt helpless, the nickname he used to call you, when he felt so worthless.

"Hey, I am a strong woman!" You acted defensive and tried to make him forget about whatever predominated his mind at the moment. You tried to ignore the fact that whatever his problem was right now, it must be something appalling that could make him feel like this early in the morning, "I am strong enough to survive high school with crazy fangirls trying to kill me, Samu."

He snorted, didn't expect you to use this method today. Usually, you would be extra soft, snuggling with him until he was ready to tell you. But some other day, he would see this side of you, where you played around until eventually, he surrendered and asked you to listen to him.

"I know, I know, you are _my_ strong woman." He pulled you back into his embrace, taking a deep breath to bathe himself with the scent of your shampoo, "I love you so much, you know that?" His voice wavered at the last sentence, and somehow, it broke your heart.

"Hey, hey..." You immediately tangled your fingers through the strands of his hair, calming him down as you caressed his silver locks, "I know that too well, and I love you too, love you too so much, Miya Osamu." Your lips grazed his skin, kissing his neck softly before looking up and giving him a little peck on his lips, "After all, we just shared the vow _yesterday._ "

His breath hitched when the last word came out from your lips. Of course, what did he expect anyway? He knew it would be his routine, to remind you of everything that happened. Every morning, he needed to feel the same excruciating feeling.

Every day, he had to endure the same pain over and over again.

He could feel how your arms wrapped around him immediately. It was painful for you at the moment, you didn't know why your husband sobbed without warning. He was someone that could control his emotions well, but to see him like this, you knew it must be something that he had endured for a long time.

You put his face on your chest, cooing him and whispering sweet words into his ear to calm him down. Right now, you didn't need to know what was bothering him, your goal was to be there for him, and you wouldn't ask anything. Not until he was the one who was ready to speak up his mind.

He looked so vulnerable in your embrace, like someone whose broken heart has just been mended, only for it to get shattered the next instant. You were a little apprehensive, afraid that maybe he regretted marrying you, afraid that maybe you did something that may jeopardize the matrimony.

But it was nothing close to that.

"Do you know what day it is?" He pulled his face away from you, leveling his gaze so he could take a proper look at your eyes. You were more than perplexed, didn't know what you should answer the question with, "Don't think, just answer." His voice cracked when he spoke, and you swear it broke your heart beyond repair to know he was feeling like this.

"It's-" You trailed off, your eyes scanning the area to search for any hint of a proper answer. It scared you, to suddenly be questioned like that. Even though it was something so mundane, you couldn't even answer it. It was like you knew that once you gave him your answer, it would make his heart break, "It's our honeymoon."

With that, his eyes glimmered with tears. He knew it would be your answer, he knew and yet he needed to hear it from your lips.

_"I am sorry, sir."_

Because he still clung on some hope. He still hoped that maybe, someday you would wake up with some memories of _today._

_"But with how damaged her hippocampus is,"_

That maybe, everything that happened for the past year was just a wild dream. And he would finally wake up from the nightmare that had been tormenting him.

_"We conclude that your wife suffers from anterograde amnesia."_

The whole year has already passed since then, and yet here he was at the moment anyway. He thought that maybe he could finally get used to it, to wake up without any aching feelings anymore. With trembling hands, he cupped your face as he gazed into your eyes with a forlorn look.

You were confused and incredibly nervous. He could see that from how your eyes dilated a little after his little breakdown. So he decided to graze your cheeks with his thumb, to reassure you that it was not your fault he felt like this _—_ even though it is.

"Hey, love," His voice sounded more calm by now. You hummed, gulping down as you stare deep into his orbs, "I need to tell you something..."

_The sun was up, there were no clouds in the sky for how far your eyes could reach. "Can't Take My Eyes off You" started to play in the background, adding some lovely atmosphere as the two of you rolled down the street._

_There were no other cars on the street. After all, the two of you were heading to a mountainside. The only thing that could be seen around you was just a sea of rice fields and the mountain that you were heading to._

_With how busy your life was with him, you thought there would be no time for you to have a decent honeymoon with your husband. But thanks to some of his business connections, the two of you manage to find a secluded villa up the mountainside._

_"Why don't we just open the car window?" Your eyes scanned the view outside, and you were sure that it would be more fun to feel the real temperature, "I mean, the breeze would be good, right?"_

_Your husband's eyes were focused on the road, he chuckled when he heard how excited you sounded just now. You were a spontaneous woman, and by being with you could make him feel more alive._

_"Doll, it's hot outside, why would we do that?" He asked back, and somehow he could see the pout on your face, even when his eyes never take a glance at you, "Don't pout."_

_"I am not!" You exclaimed, acting like a big frown never appeared on your face. He only answered you with a small hum, knowing that you just lied to him, "Okay, okay. I did pout a little there, but I am not pouting anymore, though."_

_He chuckled a little, a_ _heartfelt_ _smile grazed his lips as he stole a glimpse towards you. From the first time he laid his eyes on you, he knew that someday he was going to have your hand in marriage. Even if it took him ten years, it was all worth it._

_"Alright, open the windows then." And again, he was just a guy who would do anything for someone that he_ _loved_ _. You squealed once you heard his statement. Your face lit up with excitement as you rolled down the window, "Make sure the door is locked if you are going to lean your head outside the window, doll."_

_"Yes, sir!" You sounded like a child at the moment, and before you stuck your head out, you made sure that there were no vehicles that could be seen. Once you knew it was safe, you immediately popped your head outside, closing your eyes as the fresh air caressed your skin, "God, this is a good life indeed."_

_The silver haired man looked at you with a loving gaze, grateful that he was alive_ _in_ _the same era as you. Sometimes he would take a look at you and think about what he had done in his previous life._ _Because if he met his past self, he would kneel and worship them, expressing his gratitude for the current life that he had._

_You glanced to look at your husband for a split second. Your eyes met his dark orbs that were_ _overflowing_ _with love. Through his eyes, you looked so majestic. Your hair_ _whipped along the balmy breez_ _e, a wide grin never left your face as you stuck your head outside, eyes_ _reverted back onto the scenery._

_This felt surreal, with love songs_ _filling_ _the tiny space, or how beautiful you looked at the moment, it was all just a dream before. You were too good to be true, but then again, you were real, and there's nothing else that he wanted in this life except to be with you._

_"SAMU! HIT THE BRAKE!"_

_But it was all changed as he swerved the car to the side._

His eyes trailed on your figure, the bathroom door slammed as you hid yourself from him. You were always like this every time he was done explaining all of the things that happened, trying to calm yourself down by yourself, didn't let him get inside the bathroom until you composed yourself.

He let out a long sigh, knowing for sure you were crying at the moment. It was stressful for him, to always feel the same thing every morning. Life used to be so easy, with you, it used to be so easy. But now as he realised this would be his routine until he was on the death bed, he didn't know anymore if he wanted it or not.

With trembling hands, he grabbed his phone that he put on the nightstand. He unlocked the phone, and he broke down all of a sudden as his eyes met the sight of the _old you_. You were smiling, with a wedding dress wrapped around your figure so perfectly. And he was there, securing you in his embrace as the two of you looked at the camera.

He wiped the tears away from his face, biting his lips as he scrolled through the contact, searching for one particular number. You were his everything, but what if it had all turned out like this? _Were_ _you worth every pain?_ Gulping down, he called the number that his business partner gave him.

" **You have connected to Hyogo Law Firm, may I help you with something?** " His breath hitched as the thought of you lingered on his mind, " **Hello?** "

"I am sorry," He sounded so timid at the moment, his heart pacing up its rhythmic pulsation as he debated whether to either continue the call or just hang up. But he needed to do it, for his _own_ sanity, "I want to file a divorce, please."

Every time he brought you to the Onigiri Miya branch, he could hear how people whispered. Every sentence that he heard, it carved into his heart, and it continued on and on for the past year.

_"I pity Osamu so much, somehow."_

_"You know, maybe it was a sign? He could have a new life, right?"_

_"Yeah, he should really move on, you know?"_

Then again, what would've happened to you if he acted so selfish like this? If somehow he really divorced you and became a free man, what would happen to you? He couldn't imagine what you were going through every day. You would wake up every morning, thinking that it was your honeymoon with him.

And if he was not there anymore, who would explain it to you? Who would be there to reassure you that it was alright, that you would never be a burden? Who would comfort you after you cried for hours on end? He couldn't imagine that, he couldn't do that to you.

If he decided to give up, he couldn't imagine that agony that you would be going through every day. You would wake up, thinking that you were finally married to the love of your life, only for someone to tell you that he had left you long ago. And for you? It would happen on ad nauseam.

You were his wife, and he already made a vow, even long before you became a Miya. So who was he to give up just like that?

" **Sir? Are you there-** " There's a thud from the bathroom, so loud that he knew that something happened to you. He hung up the call, heart racing as he threw the phone absentmindedly across the bed and rushed towards the bathroom door.

"(Y/n)?!" He knocked on the door, panic evident in his tone, "Doll, please, open the door." There was no answer, and premonition was all that existed in his mind.

With force, he tried to break down the door with his body, again and again until there was a crack in the door. He hit the door one more time until the lock splattered across the white tile of his bathroom.

The white tile that was now covered in red.

His eyes widened at the sight, his whole body frozen as his eyes finally laid his eyes on you. The shower was on, water hitting your skin that looked so pale at the moment. Crimson liquid kept oozing from your head and wrist, and he swore he couldn't even feel his heart beat.

"Fuck!" He cursed under his breath as he knelt down beside your body. His arms were trembling when he pulled you into his embrace, fingers pushing your hair to the side as his eyes bore into your face, "Baby...? Please answer me..."

Tears were cascading down his cheek at the moment, his breath became so much heavier as he held you tight in his arms. You never acted like this, you would cry for hours, yes, but you would go downstairs with his shirt covering your skin. And he would be there, preparing lunch for the two of you.

You would usually ask why he stayed for you, and right now, he wanted to hear you ask the same question. He was alright with that for a whole year. And right now, he would choose to share a lifetime with you, answering the same question over and over again, rather than having a memory where you laid in his arms. _Dying_ , in his arms.

"Samu..." Your voice sounded like a whisper, like it needed all of your energy to even mutter his name, "I am sorry,"

"Why did you say sorry?" He bit his lips, voice trembling as he tried to be strong for you, "You have done nothing wrong, doll. Nothing."

You looked down on your wrist, it was now covered with his clothes, and you could see how the blood seeped into the fabric. His finger lifts your chin so you had no choice other than looking up his face, "Why do you do this?"

"Why did you stay for me, Samu?" You asked him back, it was the question that made him feel sick sometimes, but it was also the question that made him realise that his love towards you was unconditional, "Why did you stay for me for so long...?"

"Because I love you," His voice broke, "I love you so much that I know I rather live to answer the same question all over again rather than lose you." With one deep breath, he needed to say it all, he needed to explain to you why.

Because somehow, he knew it would be the _last time_ he answered the question.

You peered at him one more time, your heart broke knowing it was you who brought this upon himself. But you were just like him, you loved him so much that you couldn't even imagine the torture you had put him through for the entire year.

Your other hand slowly cupped his cheek, thumbs caressing his skin as your eyes showed nothing but adoration. He leaned into your touch, it was cold, nothing like how it used to. But your orbs still held the same gaze, the one that made him feel so warm, that made him forget for a second the circumstance he was in right now.

"Then my answer is the same, Samu." Your voice dropped every word that you said, "But I want you to be free," You pulled him closer, grazing your lips on his to taste the sensations one more time, "A year in a marriage with me is enough, Samu. Trust me, you would be alright."

"No!" He pulled his face away from your face, eyes staring deep into yours bereft of their usual hue, "It would never be enough! And I could never be alright without you! How could you say that?!" Miya Osamu was not someone who liked to raise his voice. But right now, he was desperate, he was desperate as he wanted to make sure that you knew how much he valued your existence.

You shushed him, pulling his face forward once again so his forehead rested on yours. He widened his eyes, knowing that the clock was ticking already when you didn't even answer him with a witty comeback.

He was scared, this was not the memory that he wanted to remember. Your breath kissed his skin, so soft that he needed to lean in a little bit more to feel it. He decided to stay, because he knew he needed you in his life. And right now, he cursed himself for even having a thought about leaving you.

Even if you wouldn't remember what he said to you yesterday, even if you wouldn't remember the food that he cooked for lunch, he didn't care anymore. He loved you, and that was what kept him going.

"I want you to make a lot of memories," He sobbed, pressing his lips on yours, scraping for the fading remnants of warmth that he could feel from you, "With someone that could treasure all of the moments forever."

"But I want it to be with you..." He couldn't do this, it never once crossed his mind that you would do this, "I breathe for you, my heart beats for you..."

"I know," You answered with the last bit of your energy. He had done so much for you, and to cope with a lover who could never remember anything, you didn't want that for him. He deserved a life, a normal life, "I love you, Miya Osamu." He gulped down when he heard you whisper, and he knew, he had to imprint this inside his mind for the rest of his life, "I love you, and I hope someday you could see why I do this."

He didn't answer with words, but instead, he decided to capture your lips once more. He poured every ounce of love that he had for you, he wanted you to take it all as your soul vanished into thin air.

You were his everything, and he wanted to wake up every morning with you by his side. Even if he had to do the same routine all over again, he would be alright with that.

He wanted to answer the same question that you threw at him right before lunch, he wanted to bring you to Onigiri Miya branch every single day, taking care of customers with wide smiles plastered on both of your faces.

And you were aware of this, you knew damn well that he would never have a heart to let you go. So at the end, the decision was all on you. You were the one who had to leave, because that implied that he had to let you go. Because that meant, he had to stop dwelling on the past and move on.

"You are my everything, that's why I stay, you know?" He whispered under his breath, lips still grazing yours, "I stayed because my heart beats for you, and only you." He kept muttering all of the reasons why he stayed, it was all the answers that he gave to you for the last year he spent with you.

He kept saying that. Sentence after sentence, didn't even realise as your hands lolled to your side, his cheek that felt warm before, struck by the chilly air once again, "I love you, as simple as that."

And when he couldn't feel your breath against his lips, he knew all of his words were all in vain.

"So why did you leave me instead...?"


	10. For Sale || Kuroo Tetsurou

The sky was painted orange right now, children running around the beautiful neighbourhood with a smile plastered on their faces, ready to come back home to the embrace of their parents. 

You leaned on the windowpane with a cup of tea on your hand, sipping it slowly as your mind wandered somewhere.

There was an old couple right across your house. At this time of day, they would get out from their humble abode, walking together side by side to god knows where and came back around an hour after. 

You love to see them as they walked and circled their arms around each other. Their faces were full of wrinkles, showing the world about how much time they had spent on this earth. But those wrinkles didn’t lessen the love that they radiated for each other.

And you wished, you really wished that you could still have something like that.

Your eyes darted to the man that was now seated on the couch, mindlessly changing the channel on the television. Boredom emblazoned on his facade that was once full of excitement.

He used to know when your eyes fell to his figure, and he would cheekily do something that often made you blush (or sometimes just him being a dork, attempting to wink). He would always tease you, grinning when he knew that you were flustered.

Usually, you would tackle him, and he would open up his arms wide for you. He pampered you with love, chuckling together as the television became mere accessories.

But you couldn’t have that anymore, not when the two of you were now just two people that live in the same house. Without feelings, without love, like there were no memories lingering on every crook of the house.

He turned his head to look at you, finally realised that you were standing there, eyes locked on his figure. Your breath hitched, hoping that maybe he would change his mind, saying that it was all a mistake.

“Have you packed your bags?” And you swore the clock stopped ticking at this moment, “You should get done with it, the buyers would arrive tomorrow at dusk.”

You bit your lips, trying hard to control your emotion. Just one more day, you only have to bear with him a little longer.

“I will finish it today,” You walked past him, trying not to break down in front of the man that once would grab your hand immediately, knowing that something was troubling your mind, “You don’t have to worry about me procrastinating, Kuroo.”

He let out a long sigh once you were out of the room away from him. It still hurt, burning every time you called him by his last name. But he brought this all to himself, and there was nothing he could do besides accepting what had been done.

_ It was night time, and you would always read in the living room while you waited for your husband to come back home. The clock kept ticking, making you frown since it was past his shift already. _

_ The jingle of keys being turned made you stand up immediately, giddy to finally see him after a long day of work. He mumbled under his breath that he was home. _

_ You threw yourself at him, waiting for his laugh and kisses that he would always give you every time he was coming home from the office. So it shocked you when you were being shoved to the ground, producing a loud thud as you fell. _

_ He widened his eyes in horror when he realised what he had done. Your eyes filled with fear as you stared at your husband. The black-haired man immediately threw away his bag and squatted down in front of you. _

_ “I am so sorry,” He was panicking inside, looking at how fragile you were right now, “Today was so stressful, and I-” It was all just an excuse, “I am so stupid oh god, I am sorry.” _

_ Slowly, he wrapped his arms around you. Letting you know that he didn’t mean any of his action from before. You finally came out from your shock, whimpering as you were engulfed in his embrace. _

_ You bathe yourself on his warmth, the arms that you called home since you made a vow on your wedding day two years ago. You wanted to forget his action, accepting his excuse for doing so. _

_ But you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking when you buried your face at the crook of his neck, reeking with alcohol and expensive perfume. _

The last box was now up on the truck, ready to be sent to your parent's house. The commotion dragged people's attention, making the neighbourhood gather around the house at some point.

You stood there under the bright sun that punctured your skin as sweat started to roll down your face. Your eyes focusing on the man who would deliver all of your stuff away from here, didn't want your mind wandering to somewhere else.

This would be the last time you could see the flowers bloom. You wouldn’t be here anymore to see them next spring, adorning the yard that now looked so lonely.

“Dear, are you moving out?” You jolted when you heard someone talk beside you. You turned your head to find Mrs Saitou, your neighbour that was always enjoying her life with her husband, the neighbour across your house.

“A-Ah, yes, I do.” There was a sadness emitted from her eyes when she heard your answer.

“That’s too bad,” She shook his head and frowned a little, “I always enjoy your smile, Kuroo-san.” Your body went rigid all of a sudden, and she could know immediately what was happening, “Oh my god, you-”

“Yes,” You nodded, averting your gaze away from her eyes that you knew would show pity, “We, we didn’t work out.” Your voice cracked at the last word, making you curse yourself.

You couldn’t help it. It was still too much to endure. The pain and the realisation. The fact that he just threw away two years of marriage was something that your heart couldn’t grasp.

“I am sorry, I need to do… stuff.” You felt like a wimp as you bowed and ran inside your home. No, not your home anymore. It was just now a house that once filled with your love.

But now it was just a place filled with memories, and it will be replaced by another when you are out completely.

_ Tears were rolling down your face as you bit on the blanket that wrapped around your body. Your whole body was shivering with how cold it was right now. It was not the air that you couldn’t cope with, it was the fact that you couldn’t feel any warmth radiated from the man who was now sleeping safe and sound beside you. _

_ Holding back all of your pain, you wouldn’t show him what had been ringing inside your mind. It was like someone just put a stake on your heart, making your heart aches on every move you made. _

_ You didn’t want to acknowledge what was happening in your marriage right now. And you cursed yourself for knowing the black-haired man too much, making all of your insecurity emerge to the top. _

_ You knew what was happening once he started to come home late. _

_ You knew what was happening when he didn’t kiss you goodnight anymore. _

_ You knew what was happening when he was no longer saying the magic words at you. _

_ You knew all of the habits that were long gone, but you didn’t want to accept it. So you tortured yourself every day, wishing that it would change in the future. _

_ But it had been months since your marriage fell down to the pit of hell. And nothing could fix this broken relationship, not anymore. Because it wasn’t wrecked by something that came out from outside. _

_ The downfall was caused by the couple themself. Or to be exact, it was all because one particular man. The one who was now laying next to you, the one who loves you with all of his heart. _

_ At least, that was what happened before. _

Your finger grazed at the couch, remembering all of the night you two shared. Sometimes, he would be too tired to go on a date. So you would prepare some snacks and his favourite movie, enjoying each other's company without a care in this world.

The walls that were once filled with the photograph of the two of you, was now filled with emptiness instead. The empty spots kept reminding you that this place was no longer yours.

You walked towards the kitchen, sun adorning the room through the windows, touching every single kitchen set on the island. There was nothing out of place, everything arranged delicately, just like the first time you arrived in this house with your beloved once upon a time.

Your eyes darted to the kitchen island on one particular stool, the place that your love always sat every morning. He woke up first, due to all the stuff that he needed to do. You would go down the stairs, and he would be there, offering you a cup of coffee while he already wears his black suit.

But it was just silent now, you stared into the empty space. The coffee maker wasn’t there anymore. You were the one who bought it to help him get through the early morning, so you could choose what you wanted to do with it.

Keeping it would always remind you of the relationship that didn’t work out, so you decided to give it to your neighbours, saying that you didn’t need it anymore.

Underneath all of your calm facade, your heart wouldn’t stop blaring to the fact that you had lost. You lost the one person that you love so much, to something that even the universe couldn’t explain why.

_ You walked slowly downstairs, his shirt wrapped around your figure perfectly. Your eyes fell towards the handsome man that sat on the stool. Red glasses seated on his nose as he read something from his phone. _

_ The morning sun adorning his figure, producing a lovely orange hue that made him even look more perfect than he already was. You walked towards him, he smiled when he felt your arms gently wrapped around his neck from behind. _

_ He turned his head, kissing you with passion as the sun becoming your own spotlight while the two of you shared your love. _

_ That was what would happen two years ago. And now, you could only stare at him through the last stair, waiting for him to acknowledge your presence and give you his warm smile. _

_ You waited, and waited. Seconds turned into minutes, and that was when you knew you didn’t want to get through this moment every single day until the end of your life. _

_ “Tetsurou,” He jolted when he heard you calling out your name. His eyes fell to your figure, a smirk playing in his face when he saw your attire, “Focus on my eyes,” _

_ He chuckled, but it went away immediately when he saw the expression that was lingered on your face. It was like he knew what would happen next, so he put down his phone, focusing solely on his wife that was always there on every step of his way since junior high. _

_ You caressed your own arms with your hand, shaking your head as you let out a long sigh. The silence was starting to kill him inside, but he knew well to give you time. _

_ “Let’s just get a divorce.” But he didn’t expect that to be the first sentence that was out from you. _

_ With speed, he stood up, eyes blazing with confusion. And at the same time, he was relieved when he heard the words. You snorted when you saw his eyes, eyes that didn’t show any kind of pain or sorrow. _

_ There was nothing there inside his hazel colored eyes that you would always love to drown into. No sadness or anguish, really in contrast with yours. _

_ “You know?” He leaned himself on the kitchen island, eyes now only filled with guilt as he saw you gave him a faint smile, “Oh god, you knew all along.” _

_ At this time, he felt like his soul just left his body. You were standing there with a visage that he couldn’t grasp. Your figure was only three feet apart from him, but it felt like you were standing so far.  _

_ “Of course,” You chuckled bitterly from his sentence, “I know you like the back of my hand, my love.” You called him with the simple nickname, the nickname that you chose since years ago. Because to you, he was indeed your love. _

_ Even until now as you stood in front of him, asking for a divorce. _

_ “W-Why didn't you say anything? For god sake, (Y/n)!” He didn’t know why he was the one who was screaming and shouting. You should be the one who felt like this life is unfair, not him. _

_ So why was he the first person who shed tears in the room, even the two of you couldn’t answer that. _

_ You trod towards the man who now looked so broken. He sobbed uncontrollably, his breath felt so heavy as his sight was blurred by the overflowing tears. _

_ Slowly, you put your palm on his cheek, making him cry harder when he realised it would be the last time he felt your touch in his life, _

_ “I-I am so sorry,” He cursed himself, cursing the universe to ripped his love towards you from his heart, “I don't want t-this, I promise you I don’t!” _

_ When he started to come home late, he was spending time with his high school friends. Knowing that if he spent too much time at home, you would know immediately that something was amiss. _

_ He still gave you kisses every morning and night. But it was more like a formality peck, something that he needed to do, not something that he wanted to do anymore. _

_ And when you didn’t hear the three words that he always loves to say to you, you knew for sure the feelings were long gone.  _

_ He was still the same Kuroo Tetsurou that you support in every match in high school. He was still the same Kuroo Tetsurou that you kissed before going to work. He was still the same Kuroo Tetsurou that has your whole heart. _

_ The only difference that you could find, was the fact that he was not the same Kuroo Tetsurou who promised to you in front of your family and friends, that he would spend his whole life with you. _

_ “It’s alright,” Your voice sounded like an angel, reassuring him that it was not his fault, “Say it, Tetsu… I need to hear you say it…” _

_ He shook his head, still couldn’t believe that he was no longer falling in love with you. He broke your heart into pieces, and yet here you were, the one who comforted him that whatever he did was alright, “Please,” _

_ “I-” You know too well that you still love him with all of your heart, so you need it. You need to hear him say the words. You need him to break your heart completely, “I don't love you anymore.” _

_ There. That was enough to make you shed all of the tears that you held inside before, falling free into your cheeks as you pulled him to your embrace. _

_ Both of you felt like someone just pushed you together into an endless pit. To the place that was dark and cold. To the place where no one could save either him or you. _

_ So the two of you bathe together in each other embrace, trying to give comfort while the two of you are just the same, only a broken human. If only you could, you would sue the universe, screaming that even he didn’t want to feel this. _

_ He didn’t want to stop loving you, but it happened anyway. _

_ You put your head on his chest, feeling how his heart was beating so fast. His large hand that usually stroked your hair playfully, was now seating on your hair, trembling all over. _

_ He cupped your cheek, looking straight into your eyes that were still glossed by the tears. For the last time, he wanted to gaze and remember it forever in his heart. _

_ It was the eyes that always looked at him with love and admiration. And now he wondered, how his eyes looked from your side. _

_ “You were still my wife, right?” You blinked, didn’t know where this conversation going, _

_ “Today? Yes.” There was something that you could find from his eyes. The last remaining of his love towards you, coated with a little glimpse of lust. He opened up his mouth, trying to ask you about one thing that he was sure you would decline, “It’s alright.” _

_ “What?” He widened his eyes. Your face wasn’t changed at all, “What do you mean by that, (Y/n)?” He scanned your face, searching for any kind of sign that you were just joking around. _

_ “Let’s spend today, like we always did.” You grasped his hand, splay it to analogize how different his hand was compared to yours, “We could cook breakfast together, dancing around like a madman as we do so,” Your mind wandered to the golden era of your marriage, “Let’s go outside, watching cinema and show the world how in love we was.” _

_ He would miss this, looking at your face as your eyes lit up with excitement. It never changed, not even almost three years in a marriage with him. A marriage that was now only based on a one sided love. _

_ “We would go home when the sky was dark,” He voiced out his plan, “I will prepare the popcorn as you choose the movie that we were going to watch.” You smiled genuinely, and it pained him because he couldn’t do the same, “Then we could cuddle in our bedroom.” _

_ “You sure you only want a cuddle?” He almost choked on air at your question, “Let’s just see tonight, okay?” He ruffled your hair, wondering how you could act so freely like this while your heart had been shattered. _

_ “Then what happened tomorrow morning?” You were the one who was now almost choked on air, “What would we do?” _

_ He waited for your answer, because he was sure that he didn’t know what to do. _

_ “You have a morning meeting, right?” He nodded, “Then just work, I will handle the divorce paper.” He winched when he heard the word. He couldn’t believe that this is it. This is really the end of his marriage with you, “Alright, enough sappy feelings.” _

_ You kissed him on the cheek, wrapping your arms around his neck. Just for today, you want to spend time with him. Just for today, you want to feel like it was still the same relationship you dive into. _

_ Just for today, you want to be loved one more time, before letting him go. _

The sun was almost set, you peeked through your bedroom window, waiting for the new couple who would live in this house. Your sight fell to the sign in front of your house.

**_House for sale._ **

You remember the first time you walked into this house with Kuroo. The two of you pulled the sign from the yard, throwing it on the trash can. It was the start of the happy marriage.

You avert your gaze from the sign that was now emblazoned at the same place in the yard. Letting your eyes fall to the arranged bedroom. It was like a designer house, as you want to make the buyers feel comfortable in this place already.

You walked downstairs, touching every wall that you passed, leaving all of the memories behind. The familiar scent wouldn’t be forgotten, the mix of fresh wood and ylang ylang, seeping out from every room that you walked through.

It was time, so you stood on the doorway, ready to greet the buyers that were now parking on the garace. The wife got down first, eyes lit up at the sight of the house.

“OH MY GOD! This house is even more beautiful!” The husband got out of the car and walked towards his wife, “I couldn’t believe it would be our house forever!”

She looked so excited, and so much in love with the man beside her. They greeted you, asking if it was okay to pull the sign away. And of course, you gave them a green light immediately.

They walked to the yard hand in hand, pulling the sign off from your house. Correction,  _ their house _ . They kissed while the moonlight shone in the sky, becoming their very own spotlight as they go through the new chapter in their life.

The two of them finally part, and you gave the keys to them, explaining all of the things about the house that once was yours. The husband walked inside immediately, while his wife lingered on the yard. Her eyes following your figure, 

“Kuroo-san!” You winched inside your heart when she called out to you right before you got into your car, “I am sorry, but,” She looked nervous, and you gave her a little smile to reassure her for anything that was running inside her mind, “Do you have any tips? About you know… Marriage?”

If you didn’t care about her feelings, you might be laughing right now. Your marriage ended, caused by something that you didn’t even know why. And now, the universe sent someone to you for marriage tips.

“Just,” Your eyes lingered at the house once again, mind poured with all of the memories when it was yours, “Make as much memory together,” You smiled at her as she nodded enthusiastically, “And well, never stop loving each other~”

It was the truth, even if love was something that was out of control. And yet, a lot of people could fight through it together with their lovers, live happily ever after until their last day on earth.

The woman ran back towards their house, closing the wooden door as they were now the one who created the memories there.

You climbed inside your car, taking one last look to the house that held a beautiful yet painful memory. Your hand focused on the steering wheel, letting out a long sigh before hitting the pedal, burying all the memories deep inside your heart.

That house was once yours and his, the place where you create the memories together. The dumb witness for all of the moment that you spend with the man you once called your husband. 

But today, some strangers would be climbing up the stairs,

To the bedroom filled with memories, the one you used to share with him.

  
  



	11. Secluded Booth || Miya Osamu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was this one booth inside a twenty-four-hour diner, secluded from prying eyes, yet people knew who owned the seats. It used to be you who sat there with a face lit with joy. With his arm draped around your shoulder and lingering kisses on your forehead. Yeah, used to be.

“One more, please.”

There was disapproval all over her face as you pushed the empty glass of beer towards her. Nagisa was a waitress in this diner that had become your second home, the place that was introduced to you by the one who owned your heart.

The place that even now that he was not yours anymore, still held a special place in your heart.

“That was your second glass, (Y/n).” She let out an exasperated sigh, one that you answered with a simple shrug since you just wanted to forget. After all, you couldn’t trust yourself when you were sober, everything was too much to handle even though it had been months since you broke things off with him.

“Come on, you know I can handle it. Why are you serious anyway?” You chuckled, trying to ease the tension that of course was swatted away by her in an instant. But even though she didn’t like the fact that her friend used alcohol to lessen the pain, she actually knew when too much was too much.

She filled the glass once again, slamming it lightly right in front of you as a warning. Her orbs pierced into your eyes, trying to intimidate you.

“This is the last glass.”

“Why, thank you.”

You raised the glass as if to clink a cheer and smiled, gulping it down your throat like it was the first drink that you drank today. From behind the glass, you could see how she shook your head, yet decided to stay still in her place to keep an eye on you.

Before, she didn’t have to worry that you would somehow drink too much beer. For years, you always came here with someone’s arms wrapped around your waist, dark grey eyes never leaving your body as if you were the only person that mattered in this universe.

For years you had someone that would be there, telling you to stop drinking when you started to show any sign of drunkenness. For years that same person always made sure that you ate well, enjoying the time that you spent with him in this very same diner, both sitting down at the corner booth that was secluded from prying eyes.

And now, without someone else keeping their eyes on you, she was afraid that something would happen.

That somehow if she just averted her gaze for a second, she wouldn’t see you again.

The tingling and familiar laughter could be heard as other patrons came in, one that somehow made you straighten your back for those laughs was the same one that always accompanied you for years. 

Your pupils dilated in horror, yet you tried to swallow down the pain for every single gulp that you took. Nagisa eyeing you with concern written all over her face, one that suddenly turned into anger when another laugh came from another direction. The unfamiliar laugh — a laugh that replaced yours. 

That was a sign for you to put down your glass. Afraid that in a few seconds, you would tremble all over your body and let it crash to the table, making a ruckus. You were glad when a couple of laughs walked past you, indicating that neither of them recognised your rigid body sitting on the stool's bar.

Nagisa hissed and cursing under her breath, ready to mess up whatever they were ordering.

“That motherfucker I swear—”

“It’s alright.” You swallowed a huge lump, biting your lip as you tried not to let any tears spill from your eyes as the aching feelings started to build up. “I am not going to be here for a long time anyway.”

_ The air was so thick as you tried not to move around too much, didn’t wanna show how nervous you were. His calloused fingers skimming through the paper as brown orbs read the passages again and again. Sometimes you could even see him raise his eyebrow, forehead scrunched for a millisecond. _

_ "Why?" _

_ It was just a simple question, but you didn't think this through. You already put down the reason why, the professional reason, of course. But seven years he had you under his wing, he could read whatever occurred inside your mind, he knew a lot of things about the woman who had been there for him from the start. _

_ And a resignation paper was something that he never thought he would receive from you. _

_ "I already wrote it there, Kita-san. I—" _

_ "No, the truth." _

_ He let out a sigh, setting down his reading glasses on the table as he waited for you to answer. Right now, he even asked himself why your resignation bothered him so much. Maybe because you have been there from the start, and it would be weird if he suddenly didn't have you around. _

_ "I-I just can't do this anymore, Kita-san." Your voice was like a whisper, so soft that he almost couldn't catch it. "You know this town, everyone talking about the same thing. Over and over I can't bear it!" Little by little, you raised your voice. "I know it's selfish, but I—" _

_ He stopped you, he knew. Kita stood up from his chair and rested his hand on your shoulder without saying anything. A flicker of hurt could be seen for a split second, but replaced again by the professional facade that he always had at work hours. _

_ "When are you going to leave?" _

_ "Tonight." _

You knew that this was unfair. Working with Kita and helping him take care of the papers and all the contracts were always your job.

Meeting him in college was a miracle, you didn't have to search for a job. He asked you right away after graduation that he wanted you to handle the financial cycle in his new business. He would enjoy all the work outside, and you would be there signing papers for him.

But meeting him brought you to another thing that  _ used to be _ a blessing.

You met Miya Osamu a year after graduation day. Kita needed to be away for a family gathering, leaving you in Hyogo to take care of the rice farm. Of course you were flabbergasted at first, you were always behind the desk, and for him to suddenly begging (more like commanding though) you to handle everything, you were overwhelmed.

Though, if Kita did such a thing, then that meant he believed in your ability.

From reminding the workers of what they should do, making sure everything was in-stock, delivering the sacks of rice to close partners. You never thought that the circumstances would lead you to meet the love of your life.

There was this warm smile plastering on his gorgeous face, black hair sticking to his forehead as he greeted all the patrons. And when he finally took a look at you, with one sack of rice on your hand, he excused himself within an instant, eyes never leaving yours as he cleaned his hand on his apron.

It started with just a simple hello, saying with confidence that you must be Kita’s assistant. And you remembered how you were just standing there, starstruck by his presence. When you thought your employer was beautiful before, this man was another meaning of beauty.

What you knew for sure, was that you needed to thank Kita for letting you meet him. Miya Osamu, someone who months after the encounter, became one of the reasons why you wanted to wake up for every morning that came.

He took you one day on this nice diner close to his house, a little place for you and him to hang out after a new routine that you had. Ever since you met him, you have been insisting on Kita taking you to the Onigiri Miya, in hope that you would meet the black-haired man for every shipment of rice.

From there, the simple hello became a confident word of asking you out.

From a shy peck on the cheek, to two bodies tangled under the white sheets.

From just an acquaintance, now a couple that the whole prefecture got jealous of.

And it still ate you alive little by little — as the lovely routine turned into nothing since he was not a part in your life anymore.

_ "I am sorry, (Y/n)." You didn't want to hear it as you focused on the task in front of you. "I never want us to be like this." At this point, you didn't know anymore if the tears that prickled at the corner of your eyes were caused by him or the heat from the stove. "I don't want this to happen—" _

_ "But it did." _

_ You stopped him from saying any other word before finally turned your heels to face him. He looked at you with the same gaze; with care, worry, and the same warmth that was always visible every time it laid upon your face. "But it did happen, Samu." _

_ Yet there was something that was gone from his gaze, "And sadly, I know you can't control it." _

_ Love. _

_ It was not there anymore as he had his head hanging low, couldn't believe that after all the years of loving you, it suddenly vanished when he woke up one day. _

_ Without the urge to kiss you, without the need to see your lashes fluttering as your eyes looked at him, without a spark that usually ignited as you snuggled your body closer to him. _

_ For days he forced himself to think that he was still in love with you. Something that he couldn't do anymore as he always saw the same orbs that looked at him with so much love and adoration, one that he was sure you couldn't see from his grey orbs. _

_ “I love you.” The words that used to feel so fulfilling, now sounded like just an empty promise — and the two of you could see it. “Fuck!” He slammed his fist on the table, desperate to feel all the sparks that he once felt. “I love you, (Y/n). I love you so much you don’t know that, I-” _

_ “I do know that, Samu.” You couldn’t see him like this, staying for someone that he didn’t even love anymore. “But it has became a past tense.” _

_ He expected you to push him away as he dropped the bomb, thinking that it was the most logical thing that a woman would do when her lover suddenly said that the love was gone. But you were just silent, continuing your turn to cook for dinner as he confessed and apologized. _

_ “Are we done?” He whispered the question, hoping that you would say no, that you would give him time to fix himself. “I promise I will do anything, I know that I love you, and I—” _

_ “Have you felt the spark?” Again, you cut his words as you took off the apron from yourself. “You said you didn’t feel it when you are with me anymore, so…” You trailed off, face so unreadable as a thin line shaped your lips. “So you felt the spark, right? With someone else?” _

_ “No.” He answered in an instant, didn’t hesitate as he manned up and looked at you. _

_ But he forgot that it was you, someone who he shared his house with for the last few years, one that knew him inside and out. _

_ Someone who knew when he was not being honest. _

_ His breath labored as you took step by step toward him, every second felt like a torture, afraid that if he said any other word, it would push you away even further. But he should have known by now that the second he fell out of love from you, you were already hundred miles apart from him. _

_ You didn’t utter anything as you gazed at him with the same warmth looks, eyes scrutinizing every single detail that adhered in his face, memorising the beautiful face that you always adore to see. _

_ “(Y/n)?” Your name rolled down from his tongue like a mantra that always enchanted you. The thin line of your lips slowly shaped into a gentle smile as you closed your eyes, bathing in a little fantasy that you made as you put yourself in the state you were in months ago. “(Y/n).” _

_ Breath tickled each other’s lips, a gap that almost closed if only either you or him leaned a bit more. _

_ His calloused fingers running down your arms before he pulled you close, and you to seek comfort in his embrace. _

_ For you to share affirmation that you were so thankful he became a home, to feel his low chuckle reverberating in his chest. _

_ But then you opened up your eyes, and that was when you were brought back to reality as the grey orbs that used to look at you with love, now just filled with misery as it looked back on you. _

_ “Please,” His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed a huge lump. “Please don’t look at me like that.” _

_ You knew exactly how you looked at him. Your orbs glimmered with the same affection, same excitement like the first time you saw him behind the counter of Onigiri Miya. And it truly pained him, that somewhere inside your eyes, he could see that you let him go. _

_ “You should catch that spark, you know?” You whispered out as you took one step backward. “Don’t let it go, that could be the spark that would never die out.” _

_ He wanted to reach his arms for you, wanting to feel maybe any remnants of love that he could give. But as you smiled at him with tears cascading down your cheek and yet a smile never left your face — his body just went still.  _

_ You gave him a curt nod before you walked past him, leaving the man who you spent your adulthood with without a chance to answer back. Tears blurred your vision as your feet stumbled on the way to the bedroom that you shared with him, grabbing the biggest duffel bag that you could find as you tried to numb your feelings. _

_ You needed to get out from there — fast. You were afraid that he would grab your hand, assuring you that he would get the spark again. You were afraid that you would fall for it, you had fallen for a hopeless dream that he would love you again for the past weeks. _

_ And it was enough. There was no progress, there was nothing that could fix a heart that was already falling for someone else.  _

_ When you woke up one day without him by your side, without a smile greeting you as he slid you a pancake for breakfast at the table, you could feel that your relationship had ended ever since then. Yet you were too naive, still hoping that maybe it was just your insecurity eating you up. _

_ You packed all of your clothes, bags, and all things that were there in your life before you met him, leaving any sentimental items behind. Descending down the stairs, you still couldn’t believe that it would be the last time you roamed on the same hallway. _

_ It felt like there was a huge rock on your shoulder, weighing you down as you walked to the living room, walking past the kitchen where you could see him standing still from your peripheral vision. _

_ You didn’t dare to turn your head to face him, but you could feel how your feet slowed down as you heard a bitter chuckle from his direction. It needed all the willpower in your heart not to run at him, for you not to wrap your arms around his large torso as you whispered out that it was alright and you would wait. _

_ But the love that was once given to you, now already belonged to someone else. _

_ “See you on Monday, Osamu.” _

_ And maybe it was their chance — to feel the profound love that was once yours. _

You ignored the familiar laugh that rang in the air, slipping inside your ear without mercy as you could see (even from the back of your head) that the couple who sat on the corner booth were so deeply in love with each other.

It used to be you, you and him. The couple who occupied that booth used to be you and the enigmatic gentleman called Miya Osamu. Everyone knew that the place belonged to you, no one ever slid into that secluded booth because they all didn’t want to taint the place that showed a powerful young love.

How tragic, that powerful young love was not the same. But maybe the booth was still filled with the love that everyone adored to see. Though, it was just you that changed. And with how they mostly just wanted to see the lovely couple, they didn’t care about whose heart was broken in the process.

“Hey, I can kick them out if you want, you know that?” You chuckled as your friend whispered the proposal with one intonation that you despised the most — sympathy. “My boss actually likes me enough to control who could dine here.”

“Nah, don’t do that.” But you just shrugged it off, enough with people around you pitying or either didn’t care about you at all. “I am fine, Nagisa. Nothing that I couldn’t handle, actually.” You acted so tough, gulping down the few drops of beer that were still at the bottom of the glass, not wanting to waste any of it.

You glanced a little toward the new couple, and you felt some kind of nostalgic feeling struck at your core. They looked so — happy. So free as they talked on and on about maybe a silly and unimportant thing while casually eating the fries that they ordered.

You wondered if this was how people used to look at the two of you when you were still together.

Radiant, as if by just seeing two people in love so happy made everyone’s heart flutter. You didn’t know what made the tears start to prickle at the corner of your eyes at this moment. Either it was how the couple looked so good together, or how he smiled happily as his arm draped on someone else’s shoulder that made you wonder if he always liked that.

A heart filled with laugh, joy, as he was accompanied by someone who he loved with all of his entire soul.

You couldn’t help but see it all over again.

“You know what’s funny, Nagisa?” Your eyes never left them as the lips that used to kiss yours, now captured by another. “Every time I looked at them, sometimes...” You trailed off, smiling as you saw how happy they were for each other. “I still see her as myself every time they sit in our booth.”

“(Y/n)-”

“Keep the change, dear.” You cut her off gently by slipping some cash on the bar, the amount probably covered triple the beer that you ordered today. You grabbed the duffel bag that was rested on the empty stool beside you, the same bag that you used a few months ago as you left the place you used to call home.

You needed a fresh start, where people around you didn’t whisper in your ear about the new lovely couple that shone so bright. You needed a place where you could find a new routine, the place that didn’t tie you down into the same routine like when you were with him.

With every step that you took as you only looked forward, you left a little piece of yourself inside the booth that you used to call yours. You didn’t look back as you muster all the courage that you could gather before leaving the place for good.

You pushed the door with your arm, making the bell rang a little as you got out gently, not wanting to make any striking exit.

One step, two step,

And then there was a jingle.

Followed yours a few seconds after you walked outside the diner.

“(Y/n)?”

And you turned your head, facing the man who seconds ago was in a passionate kiss with his new lover. “Hey, sorry. I just want to make sure that it was really you.” He looked so normal, so different with the state you were in right now.

His grey orbs fell on the duffel bag that sling in your arm, and you could see how his forehead scrunched for a few seconds, with a panicked look written all over his face. “Are you going somewhere?”

He didn’t even hesitate to ask, and now you were aching to know what was it with him and the urgency that could be heard from his voice just now.

“I am moving apartments, nothing big.” You answered with a gentle tone, attempting to make a friendly conversation. “Finally found one, I didn’t want to burden Shinsuke for too long. You know how much of a handful I am.”

The black-haired man chuckled a little from your last sentence, a flicker of warmth was there as he reminisced the time that he used to have with you. Then it died down, no one said anything as you looked at his eyes one more time. 

His gaze found yours, and this moment, you savoured how great it was to have him — even though it was just for a few years of your life.

“You found the spark, Osamu?” You couldn’t hold yourself but ask. “Is it good? You are happy, right? With her?” He bit his lips, still not used with his full first name rolling down your tongue.

_ Say yes. _

You screamed inside your heart, cursing at yourself as a piece of you still wanted to be in his arms once again.

_ Please, Samu… _

You ignored how it took seconds for him to answer, you ignored the possibility that might come if he said the otherwise.

_ I just need to hear you say— _

“Yeah.”

And then you smiled. 

“Yeah, I feel the spark when I am with her.”

You took a few steps forward, leaving only three feet apart from him as you memorized how his orbs looked at you right now. It was filled with love, one that you knew for sure it was for the woman that he mentioned just now.

That was enough of a sign, enough proof for you to end the wondering feeling that was still there in your heart once in a while.

“Then I am happy for you, I really do.” You said it with your chin lifted. “I hope the sparks will never go this time, Osamu.” With confidence as you swallowed down the tears and replaced it with a smile. “I hope this time, that booth would be yours and hers, for a  _ long _ , long time.”

You gave him a playful salute as you took a few steps backward, leaving him dumbstruck in front of the diner where you used to spend time with him for a few years of being in love with each other.

“I’ll see you on Monday, right?” He shouted a little, making you chuckle softly at the reminder of your old routine where you always delivered the rice stock from Kita’s farm to his shop, even after you were no longer together.

“Monday, huh?” You shouted back, looking up at the skies that started to get dark. “Sure!”

You didn’t bother to stop for a second to answer him, eyes fixated back to the road ahead as you ignored how his gaze still fell upon your figure that was slowly getting smaller. Your finger gently fixed the duffle bag so it didn’t fall from your arm, the only piece that would remind you of this lost spark as it was given by him.

And you whispered under your breath, for the last time using a nickname that you used to call him with.

“See you on Monday, Samu.”

Then you kept looking forward after that, taking yourself to a new destination as you closed this chapter of life.

“ _ Monday _ , someday _. _ ”

To hopefully, a better place where you could feel another spark that never died — just like he found it in  _ her _ .


End file.
